PUAs Are Evil
First of all, I wanted to let you know that I’m back and safe. I
had to spend a few days in the cold with nothing but leaves to
eat, but all worked out okay in the end. It’s not the first time
I’ve done this. You’ll be able to read about the first time in the
new book.
I’m supposedly getting a final release date from the publisher
(as well as permission to tell you all about it) shortly.
Anyway, I’m writing because…I officially don’t get it:
In the last week, two more prime-time scripted television shows
ripped off The Game and Mystery’s techniques.
And of course perverted the message of the whole thing.
For those who haven’t been keeping score, last year, CSI Miami
aired an episode about pickup artists with rival workshops, an
undercover reporter infiltrating them, and murderous results.
Then there was Twins (the Sara Gilbert show), in which Gilbert’s
nerdy high school friend returns transformed after having
written a book about picking up women using techniques like negs.
And on a recent Ugly Betty episode, she interviews the writer of a
book called Tap That: How to Score With Hot Bitches, which
advocates the A.S.S. approach to meeting women (Approach, Subdue,
Score).
TV writers seem especially fond of using use pua jargon like neg
and peacocking, which one of us should probably get the
English dictionary to include by following these steps:
http://www.oed.com/readers/research.html
Anyway, I thought TV writers had their fill of The Game after
these shows.
But then, the other week, on Big Bang Theory, one of the nerds,
Howard, decides to try peacocking and negs, and strikes out
miserably.
And then last week, on Criminal Minds, investigators chase after
a man who’s taken a pickup workshop with a Mystery clone named
Raven, and is now seducing and murdering innocent clubgoing women.
Do you sense a theme here?
It’s that the game is for creeps, losers, and killers.
And this kinda pisses me off.
Why?
Because it shames men out of seeking help for their issues. Help
that could bring them out out of their social shells. Help
that could make them much happier with themselves. Help that
will, for most of them, lead at some point to marriage and
children - and, in the meantime, lead to new experiences and
friendships, not to mention some fun, consensual late nights.
The truth is, from the thousands upon thousands of successful
AND botched pickups I’ve witnessed: The game poses a far greater
threat to the guy than to the girl. And not one TV show has
captured this
The real victims of the game are the guys who get so into it,
they lose themselves. They lose the things that are special
about them as individuals, they lose their direction in life,
they lose their ability to relate normally to people.
And that is a minority of guys. Most are smart enough to get it,
and blossom into amazingly cool, fun, successful guys.
When it comes to violence in society, which these shows love to
attribute to PUAs as an exciting plot twist, if you read the news,
some of the most shocking crimes in society have been caused by
men who have pent-up sexual desires but have either been rejected
or just have no way to attain them. So they grow dark and bitter
and hateful, and eventually lash out. Other instances of violence
(like school shootings and suicides) have been caused by people
who felt like social outcasts. And other instances (like domestic
abuse) stem from an attempt to take control over the victim.
(Of course, some people are just crazy, fucked-up sociopaths.)
The point is: when taught and learned correctly, the game
socializes men.
And the more socialized people we have in this world, the less
anti-social behavior we’ll see.
If fewer people feel powerless around and invalidated by others,
than fewer people will resort to trying to get what they believe
to be the upper hand through violence
So, rather than leading to more violence in the world, the game
is at least a step toward leading guys to seek help with
their issues and pointing to other attainable solutions.
Because the game is not about wearing a funny hat and insulting
women.
It’s about becoming your best self and making the best possible
first impression you can. It’s about understanding the rules
that people use to make social and sexual and professional
choices and alliances, and working effectively within that system.
It’s about attracting others by learning to master yourself, rather
than trying to control them. And it’s also about having fun when
you go out, rather than cowering timidly in the corner.
Though the seduction community has its faults and shortcomings, I
often think about what my life would have been like if I never
discovered it. And I would have died having missed out on so much
of life, because I was so scared and timid and uncomfortable and
mute around women and strangers.
And what worries me about these shows is that, psychologically,
they make guys who feel socially ostracized feel even MORE
ostracized and ashamed for trying to do something to change it.
So, in conclusion, we’re all going to have to band together and
change the tide on this in television dramas and sitcoms. (Thanks
to VH1, at least this is getting a better depiction on the reality
show front.) Maybe we can make a show about a crime-solving team
of pickup artists, who use their social skills to make connections
and get information from people.
Or maybe not.
But at least we can all do our part in encouraging anyone - male or
female - to take whatever positive steps are necessary towards
becoming a better, more attractive, more successful person who’s
fully and fearlessly engaged in life.
Thanks for listening,
Neil