First of all, I wanted to let you know that I’m back and safe. I

had to spend a few days in the cold with nothing but leaves to

eat, but all worked out okay in the end. It’s not the first time

I’ve done this. You’ll be able to read about the first time in the

new book.

I’m supposedly getting a final release date from the publisher

(as well as permission to tell you all about it) shortly.

Anyway, I’m writing because…I officially don’t get it:

In the last week, two more prime-time scripted television shows

ripped off The Game and Mystery’s techniques.

And of course perverted the message of the whole thing.

For those who haven’t been keeping score, last year, CSI Miami

aired an episode about pickup artists with rival workshops, an

undercover reporter infiltrating them, and murderous results.

Then there was Twins (the Sara Gilbert show), in which Gilbert’s

nerdy high school friend returns transformed after having

written a book about picking up women using techniques like negs.

And on a recent Ugly Betty episode, she interviews the writer of a

book called Tap That: How to Score With Hot Bitches, which

advocates the A.S.S. approach to meeting women (Approach, Subdue,

Score).

TV writers seem especially fond of using use pua jargon like neg

and peacocking, which one of us should probably get the

English dictionary to include by following these steps:

http://www.oed.com/readers/research.html

Anyway, I thought TV writers had their fill of The Game after

these shows.

But then, the other week, on Big Bang Theory, one of the nerds,

Howard, decides to try peacocking and negs, and strikes out

miserably.

And then last week, on Criminal Minds, investigators chase after

a man who’s taken a pickup workshop with a Mystery clone named

Raven, and is now seducing and murdering innocent clubgoing women.

Do you sense a theme here?

It’s that the game is for creeps, losers, and killers.

And this kinda pisses me off.

Why?

Because it shames men out of seeking help for their issues. Help

that could bring them out out of their social shells. Help

that could make them much happier with themselves. Help that

will, for most of them, lead at some point to marriage and

children - and, in the meantime, lead to new experiences and

friendships, not to mention some fun, consensual late nights.

The truth is, from the thousands upon thousands of successful

AND botched pickups I’ve witnessed: The game poses a far greater

threat to the guy than to the girl. And not one TV show has

captured this

The real victims of the game are the guys who get so into it,

they lose themselves. They lose the things that are special

about them as individuals, they lose their direction in life,

they lose their ability to relate normally to people.

And that is a minority of guys. Most are smart enough to get it,

and blossom into amazingly cool, fun, successful guys.

When it comes to violence in society, which these shows love to

attribute to PUAs as an exciting plot twist, if you read the news,

some of the most shocking crimes in society have been caused by

men who have pent-up sexual desires but have either been rejected

or just have no way to attain them. So they grow dark and bitter

and hateful, and eventually lash out. Other instances of violence

(like school shootings and suicides) have been caused by people

who felt like social outcasts. And other instances (like domestic

abuse) stem from an attempt to take control over the victim.

(Of course, some people are just crazy, fucked-up sociopaths.)

The point is: when taught and learned correctly, the game

socializes men.

And the more socialized people we have in this world, the less

anti-social behavior we’ll see.

If fewer people feel powerless around and invalidated by others,

than fewer people will resort to trying to get what they believe

to be the upper hand through violence

So, rather than leading to more violence in the world, the game

is at least a step toward leading guys to seek help with

their issues and pointing to other attainable solutions.

Because the game is not about wearing a funny hat and insulting

women.

It’s about becoming your best self and making the best possible

first impression you can. It’s about understanding the rules

that people use to make social and sexual and professional

choices and alliances, and working effectively within that system.

It’s about attracting others by learning to master yourself, rather

than trying to control them. And it’s also about having fun when

you go out, rather than cowering timidly in the corner.

Though the seduction community has its faults and shortcomings, I

often think about what my life would have been like if I never

discovered it. And I would have died having missed out on so much

of life, because I was so scared and timid and uncomfortable and

mute around women and strangers.

And what worries me about these shows is that, psychologically,

they make guys who feel socially ostracized feel even MORE

ostracized and ashamed for trying to do something to change it.

So, in conclusion, we’re all going to have to band together and

change the tide on this in television dramas and sitcoms. (Thanks

to VH1, at least this is getting a better depiction on the reality

show front.) Maybe we can make a show about a crime-solving team

of pickup artists, who use their social skills to make connections

and get information from people.

Or maybe not.

But at least we can all do our part in encouraging anyone - male or

female - to take whatever positive steps are necessary towards

becoming a better, more attractive, more successful person who’s

fully and fearlessly engaged in life.

Thanks for listening,

Neil

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It’s been a while since you heard from me. That’s because I’ve been
holed up for the last couple months finishing the new book.
Tomorrow, I’m doing one last research project for it - probably the
most dangerous one. (People have actually died doing this.) Then
I’m finally done!

I’ll email you next week to confirm I made it through the
experience. I actually have a special email planned for you all
then with answers to some of the questions I’m asked most
frequently.

I’m not sure if you’ve been watching the second season of the
VH1 show The Pick Up Artist. But if you have, we’ve been having
viewing parties with the cast every Sunday night at my house. It’s
been a blast.

And some of the Stylelife boys have been filming it, and
putting together short party videos. So I thought I’d share them
with you, for a little behind-the-scenes peek. If you’ve been
following the show, it’s a good way to see how the guys react to
everything from getting kicked off to their newfound fame.
Here’s a link to my favorite video, which is from last week’s
party:

http://pickuplabs.com/blog/?p=124

If you look around the blog afterward, there are videos from
the previous shindigs. The one from this week’s party will be up on
the website at some point in the next twenty-four hours.

Anyway, enjoy, and I’ll check in with you all next week.

Best,
Neil

P.S. A number of people asked me about the mix tape I played at our
last seminar to get the guys in a good state for going out. I put
it all online for you. The seminar was about six months ago, so
it’s already a little dated, but you can find it here. The first
song on CD1 is a particularly appropriate going-out anthem for
some of you:

http://www.imeem.com/people/L6LO-5e

Disclaimer: You do have to register for the website to hear the
music, but there is no charge. Because so many mailing lists these
days are solely about marketing, I probably need to state that I
have nothing to do with the website above and don’t know the people
who run it etc.

P.P.S. The book club is going great. Thanks to you all for the
suggestion to tackle Atlas Shrugged.

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Thursday, August 14, 2008 11:38 PM

I have to be brief, because I have less than thirty days left to
turn in my new book. The publisher told me that some of you have
already placed advance orders for it, which is an amazing leap of
faith, considering that you don’t even know what it’s about yet

That said, you will be the first to know. If possible, I will show
you, instead of telling you.

Anyway, I wanted to let you know that, after reading the lists of
all your favorite non-fiction books of the last century, I’ve
selected the most popular and made it the next selection for our
VIP List Book Club. Oddly - and you all must be psychic - many of
the people I spent time with for the new book also listed this
novel as one of their favorites: the gargantuan Atlas Shrugged by
Ayn Rand.

We start the journey this Monday, at 5 p.m. Pacific Time, and will
continue every week after until we’ve read the last didactic page.
If you are an Ayn Rand expert, we’d love you to get on the first
call to provide an introduction to her work and philosophy. And
obviously you’re all welcome to read with us.

So if you’re interested in reading the book together, send an email
to me at (sorry list is currently closed) but sign up at www.neilstrauss.com to get info on the next book club reading.
As soon as I meet my deadline for this book, I have some hopefully
useful hard-earned game and life advice to send your way. So thanks
for being patient.

Hope all’s well with you. And, to answer some of your questions in
advance: let her go - if she was the one, she wouldn’t be making
you feel like this right now.

Yours In Stuff,
Neil

P.S. For some crazy, mysterious reason known only to those at
Google, my own homepage, www.neilstrauss.com, has dropped from the
first page of the results for searches of my name to like the
hundredth page.

So if you’re inclined to help out with some “inbound links,” as
they call them in the biz, here’s the code to put up on your blog,
your website, or the front door of your house:

<a href=”http://www.neilstrauss.com/“>Neil Strauss - New York Times
best-selling author of The Game and The Dirt</a>

Thanks to Matt and Tim at SureSite Design for the code. Thanks to
you for knowing what to do with it. Feel free to substitute
something funnier or more interesting to describe the link.

P.P.S. Quote of the day:

“If a man will begin with certainty, he shall end in doubts; but
if he will be content to begin with doubts, he shall end in
certainties.”

-Francis Bacon, Advancement of Learning, 1605

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Date: Fri, 4 Jul 2008 
I’m writing because, today, I lost a good friend, Larry Harmon.
Larry passed away this morning at the age of 83. 

Larry was best known for having portrayed Bozo the Clown for 50
years, while franchising the character across the globe. We had
planned to publish a book on his life, The World According to Bozo,
to kick off a publishing company I recently started with two other
authors and Rolling Stone writers.
 
Like millions of other children, I’d grown up with Bozo the Clown.
Since his first appearance on TV in 1949, and for every decade
afterward, he has held a virtual media monopoly on clowndom.
Practically every famous clown since, from Ronald McDonald to
Krusty the Clown, would not exist without him. 

When I first sat down with Larry Harmon to talk about his book, I
expected to hear a tale of hardship and decadence. I thought this
would be a book about the frown behind the smile.

But I was wrong. Because Larry was Bozo. And Bozo was Larry.
There was not a frown behind the smile, but simply another smile.

For three hours over dinner, Larry regaled me with stories of
speaking with John F. Kennedy weeks before his assassination; of
running for president himself, during which two assassination
attempts were made on his life; of choreographing a dance routine
with Fred Astaire; of training for space flights at NASA; of
decorating Clark Gable’s house; of searching for the cannibals of
New Guinea who allegedly consumed Vice President Nelson
Rockefeller’s son; and even more incredible tales.

Just when I began to believe he was making some of these stories
up,Larry pulled out photographic evidence. And, sure enough, there
was Bozo in full clown makeup in New Guinea with a tribe of cannibals.

But what struck me about Larry wasn’t just the stories. It was who
he was as a human being.
 
As he spoke, Larry’s face was red with excitement, his energy
boundless, his smile unceasing, his patience superhuman, his
perspective on life bright and sunny. I’d never met a happier,
more energetic, more enthusiastic 83-year old. On my birthday,
he left a greeting on my answering machine in his Bozo voice,
because he knew it would thrill me. And this wasn’t unusual for
him: anyone who recognized him - and anyone who didn’t - was
treated to a full Bozo show. The waitresses stopped at our table
constantly that first night just to hear his stories, which Larry,
wearing a plastic Bozo watch, was only too happy to tell
again. 

As long as he was making someone smile, Larry was happy. And
I told myself, when I grow up, I want to be just like Bozo.
 
Why? Because if, like Larry, you always see the best in yourself,
the best in others, and the best in the world around you, you will
not only be much happier than those who hold the opposite view,
but you will radiate a warmth and charisma that will preserve your
youth and attract others more effectively than the priciest plastic
surgery. In Larry’s own words, the best way to live is to ‘just keep
laughing.’

Some believe fresh air, exercise, and a balanced diet is the
secret to a longer, healthier, happier life. Others believe in
botox and face lifts. I believe in Bozo.

Larry Harmon, thank you for making this world a better place.

‘As long as there’s sex, there are going to be kids. As long as
there are kids there’s going to be a world. As long as there’s a
world, there’s going to be a Bozo.’
 -Larry Harmon, 2008

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I realized this when my agent told me he represented a book that had been nominated for the National Book Award. Despite its critical acclaim, it had sold, he said, only two thousand copies.

Afterward, I was talking to my publicist at HarperCollins. And she was discussing how it was nearly impossible for a first-time novelist to get significant press.

In the meantime, most of the people I know who had one day dreamed of writing the great American novel are not writing it anymore. Instead, they’re working on the great American memoir.

Most of us know that literary fiction, these days, is a third-class citizen.

However, what many don’t realize is that the genre seems to be overlooked by book buyers for the wrong reason.

Here’s what seems to be happening:

People often tell me that they only read non-fiction.    And, even though all my books are non-fiction, this pains me to hear. This is because I wouldn’t be writing non-fiction if it weren’t for reading fiction. (See tomorrow’s blog post for more on those specific books.)

When I ask them why they favor non-fiction, they explain that it’s because they like getting information and learning things. At first glance, this makes a lot of sense. We have moved beyond the information age, and are now in an age of information neediness.

Whatever your area of interest may be, whether it’s Washington politics or celebrity gossip, the news changes in a matter of minutes. Subscribing to a magazine no longer serves the purpose of keeping up; only an RSS feed can keep a person current.

We’ve also become needy in our personal development: we are constantly blitzed with images of people who are prettier, wealthier, healthier, happier, and more spiritually evolved than us. And we are then sold on the possibility that a book or a course is the path to this ideal. Consequently, some people believe that it’s wasteful to spend their time reading anything that doesn’t appear on the surface to make them better at something.

Thus, most people have the notion that if they are going to set aside part of the day to read – and it’s getting harder for most to find time to read with the Internet competing for their attention – it should be something useful.

And non-fiction has somehow become synonymous with usefulness.

This, then, is the misconception that needs to be corrected in the popular imagination.

The truth is that a long list of numbered points is a lot more difficult to learn from and internalize than a story. The human mind learns best through metaphor. Everyone from Aristotle to today’s child psychologists have noted that, outside of actual experience, metaphors best facilitate learning.

“Without metaphors, ideas are dry and slip through your ears without a second thought,” Jonathan Frye puts it nicely (and metaphorically) in a blog I stumbled across while researching the topic That’s why many of the mainstream self-help books that become national phenomena, whether fiction like The Celestine Prophecies or non-fiction like Tuesdays With Morrie, weave simple advice that could be summed up in a page into the form of a book-long story.

Personally, I’ve learned a lot of small lessons from non-fiction, and certainly accumulated a wealth of facts. But it is ideas that fuel one’s life, not facts. And the ideas that have sunk into my consciousness over the course of a few hundred pages of fiction are the ones that have come to define my principles and influence the life decisions I’ve made. In tomorrow’s blog, I’ll go over a few of those books.

So while non-fiction may have a greater quantity of information, literary fiction has provided me with not just better quality information but also more useful information – all of which I’ve been able to absorb at a much deeper level.

Finally, for those utilitarians who still insist on the practical superiority of non-fiction, the truth is that fiction is much more efficient. It takes most people at least five times longer to finish a 350-page book of facts than it does to finish an equally long story that pulls readers through each page and excites them enough to dedicate every free second to reading more.

So, at the very least, to those reading this who only consume non-fiction, consider at least alternating between truth and fiction. The richer and more diverse your literary intake, the richer and more diverse you’ll become as a person. After all, as anyone who’s bought into the latest advice glut of books and documentaries about the power of positive thinking knows, the road to self-improvement and self-discovery begins in the imagination.

–Neil Strauss

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This was from the Neil Strauss VIP list (which you can sign up
for here):

I feel like a giant weight has just been lifted off my chest.
Actually two weights.

I spent the last sixty days holed up finishing a two-book set.

It was rough going: I think I lost some people in my life I
really care about in the process. I need to switch to a more
social profession, like party promoter or department store
greeter.

One of the first things I wanted to do as soon as I emerged from
the deadline is wrute all of you. I have a bunch of new ideas to
share, so stay tuned over the next few posts.

Today’s update is all about…UPDATES.

If you’ve read The Game and have been keeping up with the various
projects and opportunities I’ve disclosed on this list only, then
there are some open loops I need to close.

Here they a few of them…

—MYSTERY—

Many who read The Game have written and asked how Mystery is doing.

The answer is…great.

Since The Game came out, Mystery broke up with Ania and left Las
Vegas. He now lives in - get this - Project Miami. I visited last
week, and walked in his door mid-afternoon to find him lying there
with two girls in his bed and a big smile on his face. He actually now
has his own reality show. It premieres on August 6th. I went to the
set to watch them film for a few days, and it looked very pro. I’ll
keep you updated.

—FINNEGANS WAKE—

Avid VIP List readers may recall that one of my resolutions for the
New Year was to read James Joyce’s incomprehensible monsterpiece,
Finnegans Wake. To help out with that, I started a book club composed
of members of this VIP list.

We are still going strong at page 500. I can’t say I recommend the book
(unless you’re looking for names for a band - in which case, turn to any
page).

Here’s one of the more nimble passages. Read it aloud to fully appreciate
it.

————————-
Question: “And how war yore maggies?” [Translation: And how do your
women war?]

“Answer: They war loving, they love laughing, they laugh weeping,
they weep smelling, they smell smiling, they smile hating, they
hate thinking, they think feeling, they feel tempting, they tempt
daring, they dare waiting, they wait taking, they take thanking,
they thank seeking, as born for lorn in lore of love to live and
wive by wile and rile by rule of ruse ‘reathed rose and hose hol’d
home, yeth cometh elope year, coach and four, Sweet
Peck-at-my-Heart picks one man more.”
—————————-

Uh, yeah.

So the next 2007 resolution on my list is a little less cerebral:
learning to KITESURF.

Any recommendations?

Kitesurfing club?

—STYLELIFE—-

I’m sure most of you know about Stylelife, because you get the
Weekly Wingman e-letter. But what you may not know is that I’m
having a little problem over at the Stylelife Academy.

Our students keep getting girlfriends and even getting married.
At this rate, there aren’t going to be any AFCs left to teach.

Here are the latest reports on their progress:

Report #1: FROM CAFE APPROACH TO ENGAGEMENT

http://www.stylelife.com/academy/SLAInvestigativeReport/

Report #2: 49-YEAR-OLD TEACHER GOES FROM NO SOCIAL LIFE TO PARTIES
AND MATRIMONY

http://www.stylelife.com/academy/SLAInvestigativeReport_2/

Report #3: PROUD COUPLE DISPLAY THE GAME AT THEIR WEDDING

http://www.stylelife.com/academy/SLAInvestigativeReport_3/

Yeah, the last one kind of cracks me up too.

You know what?

That’s a lot for one email. You got three special reports to read,
and some breaking news.

In the next email, I have a real important message to the women
on this list who’ve read The Game.

So stay tuned.

And keep reaching for…whatever you’re reaching for — the stars,
the women, the career, the peanut butter on the top shelf.

Talk Soon,
Neil Strauss

P.S. You knew I couldn’t just sign off without a P.S. or two.

P.P.S. Oh, one more update: A few of you wrote in asking for the
name of the heavy, heavy Japanese rock band I played on the radio
show with Dave Navarro. The band was Boris; the album was Pink.
Play it loud and scare the AMOGs.

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