8 Reasons Why Women Dig Guys Who Dance

jamesjosephNeil, The Game24 Comments

I’m running this article on the blog because it’s counter to my philosophy. As someone who never mastered the art of dancing, I avoid the dance floor like vampires avoid sunlight. I’ve always believed dancing is great for guys who can dance. Many times I have been dragged onto the dance floor anyway, and it hasn’t been pretty. And it’s not for lack of trying. If you ever catch me out with my computer, ask me to show you the video of us guys at Project Hollywood taking dance lessons in the living room. It’s hopeless. That said, maybe I should have taken James Joseph’s advice below earlier in life. So let me know what you think of his argument. —Neil

Why do women give men—strangers—permission on the dance floor to flirt, touch, embrace, sway and sweat together? If you did that in any other venue, you’d be slapped, thrown out or arrested. Why do women like men who dance?

There’s that old yarn…something about the way you behave and perform on the dance floor equals the way you do it in bed. Is that it? Is it a way to test and screen us? Or maybe they don’t want to be embarrassed when they take us to a wedding reception or a New Year’s Eve party. Or perhaps they just like to salsa and swing dance, like we enjoy baseball, and they’re tired of begging us to dance.

It’s all of the above and a bit more. Let’s look at the female psyche and see what’s up:

1) Partner dancing is a skill. Any skill, in the eyes of a woman, is better than no skill. It demonstrates higher value (DHV). You may say dance is a useless skill. It is, except if you’re at a dance. Or dating a woman who likes to dance. Or are about to get married. Then it’s a time-tested arrow in the quiver of mating and social rituals. Besides, it’s like being a wine aficionado. Only a man with money, culture and a life of leisure has the time to learn a useless skill.

2) Dance vets a man as social, sophisticated and presentable. How are you in a group? How are you at events? Observing you at a dance will reveal to her who you are as a social being. Discomfort, insecurity and creepy behavior will be easy to spot. If you can dance, you’re a fish in water and your confidence will be obvious. She knows you’re attuned to etiquette and you’re practiced in the traditional arts of how to treat a lady. She likes that you fit in and that she can take you to social events. You’re a better trophy on her arm than the man who can’t dance.

3) Dance tells you a lot about a guy. You’ll know more about a person after three minutes of dancing compared to three minutes of conversation. (You’ll both learn stuff, but women learn quicker.) And just the notion that a guy is a dancer suggests some things, whether they’re true or not. You’re probably a good sport and don’t take yourself too seriously. You’re probably fun, maybe free-spirited. You’re probably better groomed and in better shape than if you were not a dancer. You may be more willing to open up or emote nonverbally. You might have an artistic or passionate side. You know how to partner and connect. You move your body better, more rhythmically, than if you were not a dancer. It doesn’t guarantee you’re better in bed but, if you’ve got the moves, it suggests that you are.

4) Dance brings out the macho in a guy. I don’t care what you think, she thinks dance is manly. Partner dancing is macho by default. It’s machismo by permission: by custom, she lets you be in charge. You’re the leader, she’s the follower, no questions asked. This is your area to shine. You’re the initiator. You’re perceived as competent, confident, aggressive, athletic, a risk-taker and a guy who can think on his feet. She wants to be taken on a three-minute adventure. A waltz or a rumba with anybody won’t do; she wants to be held and led by a man. But she wants to be respected, which only a man with character can do. She wonders if you’ll flirt with her, even if it’s just smiling and making good eye contact, which will validate her and make her feel good. Like a woman.

5) Dance fuels a Cinderella fantasy. Culturally, many girls have been reared on the image of a princess ballroom dancing with Prince Charming and living happily ever after. That notion is a trigger for joy and how life is supposed to play out, at least in their imaginations. Dance, both historically and mythologically, is part of a proper courtship. Dance can lead to, literally, being swept off your feet, which is idiomatic with falling in love. She’s dying to tell her friends she met you on the dance floor—not at a bar.

6) Dance is safe sex. Dance gives women permission to get up close, physical and personal with a stranger, without commitment. It allows her to flirt without consequences (flirting, part of dance styling, is expected). The rhythmic syncing of bodies is enjoyable—it’s the goal—whether on the dance floor or in bed. Partnering, body contact, heavy breathing (either from fear, excitement, cardio or sexual arousal), a little sweat, bonding—sheesh, it’s damn sexy. In the right hands, it’s foreplay. Or, as another old yarn goes…it’s a vertical expression of a horizontal thought.

7) Dance puts her on a pedestal. Ahem, many women like attention. She’s going to the dance hoping for recognition. She knows she needs to sell herself and she dresses for the part. On the dance floor she’s in the spotlight with an audience on the sidelines. A guy who dances knows how to play the game and will give her attention. A good leader will adhere to the common rule: she’s the picture, he’s the frame. So you will let her “shine.” Courtesy and etiquette will get her a polite compliment from you, whether it’s genuine or not. If the dance goes well, it makes her look good, she lights up and she feels beautiful. To those on the sidelines, she looks like fun. And everybody in the joint wants to dance with her.

8) Dance is fun. Many people enjoy social dancing and it’s not a stretch to see that women like it more than men. Partner dancing plays to a woman’s strength: it’s emotional, artistic and collaborative. Sports are competitive, samba is a partnership. Hiking together is fun too, but it’s not much of a collaboration. In tennis you compete, in tango you bond. She wants a willing partner; begging you to dance is a drag (and whining about your dislike of dance is unattractive). Any activity you do that she enjoys, especially one that requires not just a partner but a partnership, is a plus.

It comes down to this: we’re all programed to mate and try to live happily ever after. Dancing is the shortest distance to that end. Ritual, etiquette and permission, plus a roomful of eyewitnesses, allow us to engage in this kind of embracing and debauchery with a stranger. But seriously, dance is a great set up for guys too and you should appreciate the opportunity to dance with a woman.

If you dance well or dance better than most—which isn’t hard because most guys suck at it—you’ve got an edge. But even if you can’t dance, you can still connect with a lady on the dance floor. Come on, ask her to dance. All you need is an attitude adjustment. And some alpha-balls.

24 Comments on “8 Reasons Why Women Dig Guys Who Dance”

  1. I took up partner dancing after reading THE GAME, never looked back I’m 50 but get 25 year old women calling me to go dancing every weekend or to go on a dance weekend.If you can dance you get to pick!

  2. Just moved to San Diego for 6 months. One of my goals is to learn how to dance/dance better. Met a burlesque dancer out at the pub the other night who told me she’d take me to dance lessons. Perfect.

  3. Incredible article; I could not agree more about the value of knowing how to dance. This is actually one of my monthly goals for later in the year, to improve my practical skills in this area.

    Always a pleasure reading your blog. Thanks for another great post!

  4. Dancing is cool like combing your hair is cool, but in reality, women such as Olympic figure skater Tessa Virtue would much rather be with a man like Sidney Crosby, than with Scott Moir.

    A Stanley Cup Champion is more “presentable” than some guy who dedicated his life to perfecting Salsa.

    The kind of athleticism you develop in a contact sport has much more practical value to a woman, than your ability to Swing Dance. Even in the bedroom.

    1. StyleofMan, you may be right (and perhaps you’re a dancer so you’ve made an accurate comparison and are not merely speculating).

      But why can’t you be both a dancer and an athlete? Why do you have to choose? I would argue that Emmitt Smith–three-time Superbowl champ, NFL’s all-time leading rusher, winner of Dancing with the Stars–is now more attractive to women because he is also willing to dance. I would argue that the hypothetical Sidney Crosby who is willing to dance would be more attractive to women than the Sidney Crosby who has a fear of dance.

      As Plato said: “In order to be a good soldier it is necessary to know how to dance.”

      As Confucius said: “Never give a sword to a man who can’t dance.”

  5. I read once this guy say that since nowadays fighting isn’t accepted in society, dancing has become the new measuring tool for male dominance

  6. I have to agree with all of the main points in this article. Also, I’ve brought up to my friends before that I believe it’s much easier to meet a woman out on the dance floor than in most other social settings. Now, this might be a biased opinion, since I have a natural dancing ability. I’ve always had it since I first tried at my first attended dance in high school and I’ve only gotten better with experience. Most of my other friends don’t know how to dance and I can totally understand why it would be difficult for someone who has no confidence in their dancing ability to force themselves out on the dance floor. It’s like how it was pointed out in the article for men just as much as it is for women… You are pretty much putting yourself at the crowds mercy by going out on the floor and putting on a show, so if you mess up or aren’t good, then you are possibly subject to looking weird and feeling embarrassed.

    That being said, I think it’s more about confidence than actually being able to dance really well. As we all know, most women prefer confident men, so just having the courage to get out on the dance floor and dance might just work wonders for you.

    For example, the last time I went out with some friends to pick up girls, my friends just sat on the side and sipped their beers. However, I mustered up the courage to go dance and I pretty much instantly had three very attractive women surround me out on the dance floor(Proximity Alert Systems!). I danced by myself for maybe two minutes while checking out each girl. I chose the one I liked most, danced my way over to her, put my arms around her, and we mercilessly flirted with each other and felt each other up on the dance floor. I would also like to mention that I usually only dance to hip-hop and dance music, but that night was goth theme night and they were only playing metal and darker music, which I’ve never danced to.

    Anyway, sorry for the long comment, but my point is that just by having the courage to go out there and dance, I easily and effortlessly had my choice between at least three very attractive women and I didn’t even have to say one word to them.

  7. Neil, in The Game you said you took swing and salsa lessons (page 59). Do you now feel dance offers no benefits? Besides using dance to “speed date” and to help overcome approach anxiety, dance can make you a better person. Even if you never become a great dancer, the process of learning to dance may help in areas like shyness, confidence, intimacy, flirting, social etiquette, partnering, nonverbal communication, rhythm, fitness, posture and movement.

    And you don’t need to “master” dance. Most guys (and most women) can’t dance so just a small ability will make you better than most. Plus, the willingness to get on the dance floor, even if you just goof around, can score points (under Related Articles, see the link to my article, “9 Ways to Satisfy a Woman On the Dance Floor—Even if Your Dancing Sucks”).

  8. It takes athleticism, strength, and stamina to dance well in Salsa, Bachata, ballroom dances, and Argentine Tango. women who dance, like many of my friends and me, like masculine, men who dance, not effeminate ones. Despite the old stereotype that good male dancers are all gay, the very opposite is true. Salseros, Bachateros, Tango dancers and ballroom male dancers have to be in shape to be good. My ballroom coach is a former football player and still also plays goal-keeper in an adult amateur soccer league. Women fall all over him. ALL the ballroom male dancers I know also play soccer or basketball, and a few of them are huge car guys and racers.

    In Salsa & Bachata clubs even pudgy plain men get women to dance with them because these men have a good lead. No way men like them would get pretty women to dance with them at a non-partnering kind of dances. But on the Salsa dance floor, because these men know how to lead well, every woman wants to dance with them.

    In Argentine Tango, the hold is called “an embrace.” Enought said… Tango dancers, regardless of age, are always in great shape.

    I have seen men lose weight, lose a gut, improve their posture, gain both muscle and confidence, and re-discover their masculine side and their boyish side, as they learned to dance.

    Add long as men remember that dance clubs are NOT pick up bars (and the creeps get noticed and blackballed quite quickly), that there is etiquette in a dance club, and that dancing is supposed to be fun, not a peacock show-down, you guys will do great. 🙂

  9. 8 reasons to stay away from those women who think that stupid shit. Hate to tell you. The only reason a man will dance is to get laid. Once that is done there is no other reason to dance.

    Dance is not fun. Why should I work up a sweat? Why should I have to listen to really bad dance music? I confess, there are no good bars that play decent music.

    Dancing is not a skill. It’s a reward. That reward is sex.

    Dance does not vet a mans social skill. That is total bullshit. It only show that he want to have sex with that woman.

    Dance tells nothing about anyone. Again, guys who will dance only want to get laid.

    Dance puts her on a pedestal? Stay away from those high maintenance women. If all she wants is to be seen the dump her.

    Dancing does not bring out the macho in a guy. Dancing is the farthest thing in a guys tool bag to make him look like a real man.

    If this girl thinks dancing will be some sort of Cinderella story she needs mental help. Dump her.

  10. I also agree with most of the points in the article. However, I’ll say that it’s just as important (if not more) to have fun, creative and attentive to the partners ability than yo be purely focussed in your dance.
    Trust me, girls swoon over guys who are attentive to others ahead of their own agendas.

  11. “…a vertical expression of a horizontal thought.” Gold. So many gems that made me lol but all the points were so true as well. Thanks for writing this!

  12. Hello,
    interesting points Neil,
    however just wanted to point out that some girls go out to dance not to get hit on, but they just like being out there in the world socialising, where they arent dancing along in the lounge room ,and some guys too. Sometimes its a good release, a stress buster. So, its not all about getting laid , or even trying to find love. on the other hand I prefer a guy who can dance just because it means he is fun at heart and not afraid of how others view him. Oh, and to the people who said dancing is shit, you havent lived.

  13. Neil,
    Sorry man, your comments about dancing show how truly clueless you are. So now I can see that you can’t dance nor write well. You might consider writing about something you understand. And a writing class might work wonders for your blog.

  14. I know of this square guy who was studying to become a doctor clearly from the suburbs. So he finds the time to learn ‘step’ dancing at a place right next to the university on Wednesday night. He’s on the right track, regardless.

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