How To Get The One That Got Away

Neil StraussNeil, The Game22 Comments

Today’s post comes courtesy of Evolve and Sneak, two of our expert coaches at Stylelife. If you want more sage advice, visit Stylelife at any time. Enjoy… 

Do you have one that got away? It’s not too late.

Attracting a girl like that is never an easy process. If you’re looking for easy, you’ve come to the wrong article. What I’m going to tell you requires you to dig deep and go on a real adventure.


Step 1: Disappear

You’ll need to free as much of your schedule as possible. If you have to go to work or have some other obligation that requires your presence, so be it, but keep it as minimal as you can. The people who usually see you day to day should see a lot less of you during these days ahead. Some won’t be seeing you at all. She definitely won’t.

Step 2: Reinvent Yourself

How can you work on yourself in a more dramatic way than you’ve ever done previously? Will you eat healthier? Will you do yoga every day? Will you read more than you ever have before? Will you lift weights? Will you learn to perform dramatic monologues? Will you reinvent your personal fashion? Will you go on a spiritual journey? Will you do every one of these things and more? Only you can answer these questions. Saying yes and following through on any of them takes commitment and dedication.

Step 3: Return

Perhaps, like a hero of old, you did face a death of sorts, a death of your old self. Like Gandalf the Grey you have returned, but now you’re different. In his case his robes are white and he possessed a lot more magic. Hopefully, you too got some new clothing and harnessed more personal power. If you did it right, people will notice, and they will comment. She will notice too. In addition to all of your other new found personal rewards, you have earned your new chance with the one who got away. Go ahead and take it.

If you enjoyed this article, there is plenty more from our expert coaches at Stylelife

22 Comments on “How To Get The One That Got Away”

  1. Great article at the perfect time for me. I’m at the beginning of step2 at the moment. Hope I’ll be able to go through the third step successfully!

    1. I was thinking “what if she meets someone” before I disappeared in my situation and I realized it’s a calculated risk if you hold on too tight you’ll lose her anyway. And you know what, I have changed, it used to be the most important thing in the world for me to get her back but now I know it’s no big deal either I get her or I don’t but at least now I know I can move on with my life.

      1. Don’t worry about that. If you have played your cards right (in other words, you have improved yourself in numerous ways), she will soon realize you are all worth it and will consider you instead.

        Good luck!

        1. Svet,
          In other words, once she has realized that I am worth it. Am I testing her to see if she’s done with her current situation?

  2. Weird this is what I was doing before I even read this article. It feels good to know I am on the right track.

  3. Why reinvent yourself? Shouldn’t the focus on be on inventing your best self, and adding to that? New experiences, skills, friends, etc. should be about improving your life, not changing it to make someone else interested again.

    Don’t get it twisted, change is the one true constant of life; it’s inevitable. If she got away in the first place, why reach back and pull her (past) into your present (and future)? Gotta be careful chasing ghosts like that…onward and upward!

    You should want to improve for the sake of improvement, not to attempt to re-ignite something with (and for) someone else. If improvement is the true motivation, and this “one that got away” notices and gives IOI’s and such to that end, then reassess and decide what you want from there (emphasis on YOU). Do the work if you are working towards something, not reaching back for it.

      1. Respectfully disagree. The way I read this piece was that in order to “get the one who got away” you have to undertake the steps listed, then pivot towards that end goal (getting her back). I think it’s dangerous to go backwards and try to change for someone other than yourself.

        The steps themselves are sound, good advice. But pining for a “lost love” or someone who didn’t value you before is false hope; that’s dangerous. If she didn’t see what a great guy you are before, there’s culpability there (yours). I’m simply advocating using that loss as fuel to make yourself better, not as a goal to be achieved once you change yourself. Odds are the “one that got away” will easily be replaced by the “one who gets you (best self)”. That’s my 2 cents.

        1. Totally agree… The Game has developed me better as a person.. I am now my best-self and always looked at this entire process as self-help

          Luckily it got me an abundance of success which led to meeting my wife..

          I, like yourself, never just wanted to ‘get better with girls’, but change my outlook of what is important. Ultimately, myself…

          1. I agree with what both CaptKewl and rehan14 have said. I think it’s important to use ‘the one that got away’ as a spark to kick off the self improvement process. Having literally just had one get away (after being together 3.5 years), I look back and realised that at some point during that time I stagnated and stopped looking at the things I was to do to improve myself.

            While the article is written from an angle of getting someone back, I think what it does best is provide a plan and the motivation to start the self improvement process, without mentioning that along the way you’ll likely find someone new.

  4. I have actually just done this exact same process (before reading this). I am aware there is someone else in her life, even though she verbally denies it. My point of view tells me I have allowed her to miss me and now with a new approach she feels safe and can tell I am a better suit for her. On the other side, she has mentioned that since I am her “friend” she says she can trust me and has open up more deeply than before.
    *The question is, how to proceed with dissolving her current situation (the other guy), without being too aggressive?

  5. Overtime, a lot of us will realize that “the one that got away” may not really be “the best one” for who we are now. Try not to get too hooked on the idea of recreating or finding a carbon copy of the feelings of being in love you once had, especially if it was ‘young love’. Being young and inexperienced is part of what made it feel so unique and special. Just a thought.

  6. See the article Aaron on how to survive a breakup. The problems that existed in the relationship are still there. It’s better to find a better new girl.

  7. The main purpose of The Game for me has was to cure my oneitis, and become a better man, first and mainly for me, and then for others.
    I have found a much better woman.

    To the words of Chris Cornell:

    Pearls and swine bereft of me.
    Long and weary my road has been.
    I was lost in the cities, alone in the hills.
    No sorrow or pity for leaving, I feel, yeah.

    I am not your rolling wheels – I am the highway.
    I am not your carpet ride – I am the sky.

  8. This just worked with me. A year and a half ago I was talking to a girl and she got over me real quick because I was a nice gentleman and cared what she thought. Since then I’ve gotten about four chicks on the side and could give a shit less about her. Anyway, we’ve been chatting recently and I’m sure to keep her knowing that she is nothing special and not nice to her.. she is eating out of my hand.

  9. Is this the entire article? The now ex gf broke it off about 6 weeks ago. I want her back
    In the time since, I haven’t tried to contact her (begging or being needy would only drive her away further right?)
    I’ve been eating healthier and started to work out more.
    Come to realize the faults that the relationship had.
    purchased the “textyourexback” program. I’m not sure if anyone has heard of it or used it but it makes alot of sense. I was hoping there was some material from Neil & co. on how to get her back. The past relationship is dead, getting back with her will be a new one.

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