3 Reasons You Shouldn’t Forget To Smile

You’re out in your favorite bar. You see an attractive woman standing with a group of friends. Seconds later you walk by and turn your head over your shoulder and ask them a question. You tell them you can’t stay long and that you only need to ask them because you’re in an argument with your friends. You turn at just the right time and your voice is loud enough for the whole group to hear you. They get uncomfortable and seem unresponsive. The perfect opener, yet for some reason the set doesn’t open. It’s possible that the answer was simply forgetting to smile. If You Don’t Smile, You’re A Threat One of the reasons we as humans smile is to indicate to our clansmen that we are friends, not foe. In other words, a sincere smile shows people that you are non-threatening as well as friendly and playful. So, when you approach a set of beautiful women and don’t have a smile on your face, their ancient mental circuitry tells them that you are a threat. It tells them...

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30 Responses to “3 Reasons You Shouldn’t Forget To Smile”

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  1. Terranova1 says:

    That is so true, the problem is that when we have had rough childhoods, or we just grew up being terribly shy around beautiful women we forget to smile more and it shouldn’t be that way

    We should smile more just for the sake of smiling for the sake of feeling good not just to pick up

  2. badkarmaactual says:

    Hey guys- this comment is kind of unrelated- just seeking some advice if I may- hope no one minds.

    Real quick – I met this amazing girl, a barista (of course) at Starbucks. Petite brunette FULL of bubbly energy.

    We hit it off when we could- meaning she was constantly taking orders and having to get back to work as I sat at my laptop trying to act uninterested when she wasn’t around. As we joked I threw her a couple of small negs- ala “Are you always this hyper? You should lay off your product.” etc. And I DHVed as best I could.

    She would start up little random convos with me while she was working- ie, she was stocking shelves and just HAD to show me how cool this new Starbucks mug was. When she commented that she might buy the last remaining two because they were so cool, I countered with, “No, I’ll buy one and then we can be cup buddies.” “Totally!” she practically yelled.

    End of story is, no close. I got up to leave and missed her. Last I saw her she was with her work friends at a table and I KNOW I should have gone up and opened the set but I didn’t.

    However I think all is not lost. It’s a starbucks, so I can grab a good book ( How about ELYWYD?) and find a comfy chair any day and no one will think anything. And I think I’ve come up with a great opener for next time I see her, which will probably be in a couple of days. I’m thinking “How on earth could you let me leave with out saying goodbye? We’re no longer friend/I want my cd’s back” etc.

    Thoughts? Advice?

    Thanks and much love to all.

    Bad Karma

    • TheGroove says:

      dude you dont want to act as if your last meeting was a big deal, those ideas u suggested might make u seem needy. You may as well just say hey and tell her some story or about something cool you heard about since you have already met her.

    • ManofKyle says:

      I have to agree, sounds too needy.I think you may think that’s a neg but it’s not and depending on her mood you probably won’t get the reaction you think you’re going to get. I would recommend doing what TheGroove said and just tell her some cool shit you’ve done or heard since you last met and take it from there.

      Good luck!

      • Max Ikbal says:

        When you are going up to a “set” to pickup chicks, you basically ARE needy! There’s no other way about it.

    • Ender says:

      I wouldn’t recall the last meeting at all. Just read approach when it’s a little quieter, but doesn’t have to be dead, and order a coffee…. in your mug. Do it with a genuine smile and eye contact. As soon as you see the recognition in her face (she remembers you)go on to mention a few things that have kept you busy during the week, without actually using the word busy. Like Groove says, talk as if you’ve known each other forever.

      • rideflyordie says:

        Correct Ender! What I learned from a NYC PUA “Paul Janka” is that you want to assume familiarity and don’t put up a stranger barrier. (Stranger barriers – “What’s your name?” “Are you from around here?” etc..)

        Basically I agree with every other gentlemen’s advice on here. Don’t be needy, smile often, care less, be playful, stand out from the crowd and try to find ways to make her feel comfortable then you can go for the kill. (getting the number when the rapport is good)

        My man, good luck, NEVER EVER GIVE UP ON THE GAME, Stay confident and be yourself. (From personal experience – The more you get rejected, the more toughness of skin you build and the less you care and can experiment your game!)

        Hope this helps!

  3. Jef7 says:

    Smile at people, Make eye contact.. That’s one of the first points I tried from the very first chapter of ‘The Game’…almost overnight the girls at my work became far more friendly and responsive.
    To think I walked arround for 5 years dateless thinking I had ‘loser’ tattoed on my forehead..and that ONE THING started a transformation.

  4. Benjie Pocket says:

    This really does make a difference, smiling is just an awesome thing to do anyway, so why not use it to your advantage? I’ve actually practiced my smile in the mirror. I’m shy, and I read about this in the book Goodbye to Shy by Leil Lowndes, I noticed sometimes when I thought I was giving a polite smile it was an awkward one. Now I’ll apply your advice on remembering something that made me smile as well. Thanks!

  5. TheGroove says:

    I actually have the rare ability to fully control my eye smiling muscles. I couldnt really call it the ability to fake a smile because the cause-effect loop between feeling good and confident and these muscles means that a voluntary smile can put me in a smiling mood and it feels shitty to sustain when im really out of my element. Can any of you guys do this?

  6. metroddity says:

    You know what? Sometimes, when I don’t smile, girls open me, usually it’ll be during the day and it will go something like this “You’d be so sexy if you smiled more often.”

    I read somewhere that guys that smile a lot seem to be in a predatory mode and desperate for sex. When you’re not Mr. Allsmiles all the time, it creates an aura of mystery and girls start considering you the bad boy or the rebel in the room.

    But then again, not every guy can pull this off, some might look like a serial killer while others might appears sexy and mysterious. If you’re in a club, you should be smiling, otherwise go home.

    • moodswing says:

      You are right, i’ve noticed it myself

    • Mr. Shawn says:

      When I go to the gym, the girl at the desk acts super cheery when I come by to make me smile. In the gym I’m not in pickup mode at all, so I’m not thinking about it. I guess sometimes you need to be reminded that you’re constantly being analyzed in the presence of others.

    • TheGroove says:

      Smiling genuinely all the time would never make you look predatory, that’s just not how it goes. If your smile is often fake or the smile is really incongruent and you often show flashes of contradictory emotions you will seem creepy, which is probably what the article you mentioned was talking about. Its also really important for your smiles not to be really reactionary, to reference the article’s comments on smiles and frame control.

      But I suppose that you don’t have to smile all the time if you dont want to, lots of movie “hunks” rarely smile and it makes them look serious and purposeful or badass. Sadness and discomfort are obviously no good though(serial killer haha).

    • TheGroove says:

      I still think a consistent personally generated smile is what chicks are gunna think is the most sexy. And if youre always smiling women will practically invite you over to talk whenever you make eye contact with them

    • DanMG says:

      Just last weekend I was waiting at the bar in a club, I was kind of distracted and not smiling then a girl next to me is like ‘why so serious?’ and initiated a flirtatious conversation while we both waited at the bar. This has happened a few times to me usually while I’m not even thinking about picking up. Though it’s a kind of random occurrence and I would never rely on it as a technique, but it’s quite interesting.

  7. elihasfun says:

    I read in an article that smiling makes you more feminine to women. Could you tell me what your response to that is?

  8. Tomee says:

    read that melancholic set guys tend to not smile even when they are happy?.. learnt is to smile to a mirror, think ‘man i look ridiculous haha’ which then cracks the real smile. daily mirror work XD will anchor it to looking at other faces as well as your own.

    but if your not happy with yourself they smell it despite your best efforts.
    great article to remind us of step 1, cheers.

  9. Cassio says:

    A friend of mine I’ve been trying to get into the game argues that his smile would be seen as a DLV because he has screwed up teeth. What do you think of that?

    • turnz says:

      I’m in the same boat, I have a naturally lopsided smile and not the prettiest of . I dont think any amount of training/ practice could change it. Any ideas on how I can overcome this mental block and just be happy with what I have?

      • sinnerman says:

        It depends (it always depends)…

        How bad are his teeth? Most people will be more critical of their own teeth than other people. Clean teeth, healthy gums are fresh breath probably matter much more than a set of perfectly set teeth.

        It’s the confidence that you radiate with a smile that is key.

        However, inner confidence comes from being your best self. Modern orthodontistry can work wonders. Your friend may

        I’ve been wearing braces (clear ceramic fixed) braces for the last 11-months and will have them removed in a couple of months. I was incredibly self-conscious initially and thought that they would be a social hand-brake. If anything they’ve been a prop: I’ve used them as an opener when I spotted a cute girl with similar braces in a bar, used them to segue into the C- U-shaped smile gambit when people pick up on them, moved the conversation to our pet-hates (perfect for setting up playful negs).

        If they’re not a big deal, they’re not a big deal.
        Inner game and confidence is where it is at.

    • George says:

      Smiles work the same way regardless. People aren’t reacting to the teeth – they’re reacting to the emotional state you’re displaying by having a real smile on your face.

  10. sinnerman says:

    Great post – thanks George.

    Of course, simply smiling all the time like a lobotomised half-wit isn’t the trick. Be congruent with your surroundings. If you’re out, go out to have a good time, show it, smile. I think the point was, when you open, smile.

    A long time ago (1997-2002), in a galaxy far, far, away (Manchester). Me and a good friend forged our friendship whilst at University, by going out and hitting bars and hitting-on girls. Sarging before we knew it as such. Game before we knew The Game existed. Anyway, we distilled out the following simple strategy:

    Eye contact – Smile – Say hello

    George, once again you’ve nailed it. We had it wrong, it should be:

    Smile – Eye contact – Open



  11. pretzel says:

    Science says guys smiling is unattractive to women

    ScienceDaily (May 26, 2011) — Women find happy guys significantly less sexually attractive than swaggering or brooding men, according to a new University of British Columbia study that helps to explain the enduring allure of “bad boys” and other iconic gender types……

    any thoughts on this ?

    smiling is powerful and infectious and most pua training talks about walking into a place smiling and it makes sense. That is why I was so confused about this latest research that came out.

    • quixotetilting says:

      Smiling too much or showing too much enthusiasm can come across as supplication. Not smiling makes you seem dour and uninteresting.

      Like most things, extremes are to be avoided.

  12. Chased says:

    Love the post. :) Smiling is actually a better anti depressant than drugs. Some psychos (psychologists) took the chronically depressed and had them smile in front of a mirror for like 10 minutes a day and they did better than the group with drugs.

  13. ehu86 says:

    I think I have a great smile but for some reason girls and gay guys think I have a gay smile. I have no idea if they’re negging me, or if I just have a pretty boy face and then the smile makes me look more feminine. Anyway, I do not want to send a gay vibe, so I’ve working on reserving the smile and creating a more masculine vibe.

    With that feed back, I’ve been learning how to smile more with my eyes when I make eye contact. I relax my face, especially the eye brows, and I hold eye contact for a really long time, which often creates some sexual tension. I then slowly release that tension with my smile as I’m more engaged in conversation. I know I’m doing it right when she reacts with a bigger smile, a giggle, or breaks eye contact. I find this approach more sexy and it’s very rewarding since I don’t smile for just anyone.

    The eye contact example I got from that movie “Meet Joe Black.” Brad Pitt’s character has this boyish charm thing going on. He holds really good eye contact with all the characters. Even when he’s being challenged or mocked, he remains calm and has no shame. Also that movie “Vicky Cristina Barcelona” is a great example of creating that same tension with eye contact. Just watch that seen where the Spanish guy asks two girls to fly to an island for some great sex. The guys in both of those movies have a great frame and hold sexual tension well with all the ladies.

    (The idea of creating tension I got from an amateur PUA seminar. Luckily I didn’t pay that guy money and walked out after listening to his sales pitch).

    The “holding back your smile” idea I got from the book “How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships”

    One of the tips was “never be too quick to smile.” This section was more for business women who were approaching new clients. The author says, “when a person smiles to soon, it can often look like you’re too eager to meet them.” People are told to smile on the job and it appears as if they’re trying hard to work you, and I’m sure women read men that way at bars and clubs. It makes me think of those real estate agents and those posters you see with their huge smile. It looks fake and fucking ordinary and not congruent with how they really are.

    Definitely you have to have a positive vibe when you go out, but an overdone smile or a fake one is not sexy.


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