How To “Not Give A Shit” Effectively

EvolveThe Game9 Comments

“You just have to stop giving a shit.”

Many students and teachers of the social arts teach the “I don’t give a shit” mentality as an effective frame for achieving socially-related goals. The idea is, if you don’t care what people think, then you can just go around saying anything to anyone without being hurt by rejection.

I do believe that the idea of acting uninterested or “not giving a shit” has value, however that value lies in “not giving a shit” as a technique rather than a mentality. A student of the game should care what people think. One of the best ways to get good is to pay enough attention to people that you’re able to put yourself in their shoes. Trying not to care about what someone says or thinks will prevent you from learning this skill.

It’s sometimes important to act uninterested, but to actually be uninterested is not helpful.

Appear uninterested, don’t be uninterested

The advice to “just stop giving a shit” should really be, “When necessary, appear to not give a shit.” Acting uninterested works like a disqualifier as long as it’s paired with moments where you obviously do care. Pay attention and interact with the person you’re trying to converse with, then when you feel like you need to disqualify, just act like they’re beginning to lose your attention. Check your watch, pull out your phone, or simply gaze off into the distance. Eventually, they’ll notice and if they change subjects or tries to get your attention, then it could be an indicator that they’re interested.

Test the waters

Some guys try to adopt the “I don’t give a shit” attitude because they want to be able to say and do really outrageous things when they’re interacting with women. The key to this, again, is paying attention. You won’t get very far if you don’t test the waters first and watch how people react.

Go into every set being loud and disrespectful and you’re bound to fail. Instead, tease the person you’re trying to attract with some playful negs or disqualifiers.

If the person you’re interested in begins to react playfully, teasing you back, then you can ramp it up. As your social intuition develops, you’ll begin to get a sense for how far you can take the teasing.

Have better things to do

One of my all-time favorite pieces of Neil’s advice is this: “Always appear to have something better to do than pick up women.” Actually having other things on your mind is a very natural way to pay less attention and appear like you don’t give a shit. Try to fill your own life with enough activity to keep yourself busy.

For more on this, read my old post: Three Ways To Start Improving Your Game.

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9 Comments on “How To “Not Give A Shit” Effectively”

  1. Well said, George. I can speak from experience that a guy who “doesn’t give a shit” can be incredibly off-putting.

    While there is definitely something appealing about someone who takes social risks, guys seem to think that “not giving a shit” means that they shouldn’t pay any attention to their audience’s reactions or feelings. Taking it too far (or as a mantra) makes PUAs careless and hamfisted in their interactions with people. I consider it a kind of bull-in-a-china-shop approach. Not only are they likely to alienate their target, but they are engaging in a behavior that reinforces negative traits. Who wants to invest their time in a conversation with someone who doesn’t care about anything? Honestly, they just aren’t that interesting to talk to and often just seem like assholes.

    Checking your watch to force someone to re-engage in a conversation is a lot different than deafening yourself to social cues or intentionally acting like a prick. When a guy walks up to me with that “I don’t give a shit about anything” attitude, it reads like a blinking neon light: I am insecure. I’m sure if I thought about it longer, I could think of something less attractive to a woman, but I’m hungry and can’t at the moment.

    1. What if they hurt you or bully you or something?? will I be not giving a sh*t about or just.. be with it?

  2. Having strong eye contact while someone is talking to you can be super powerful, as it will seem like you are seriously interested in what they have to say.. Using this with some of the things George said (check your watch, phone, or gaze somewhere else) will create that push pull you need to keep her on her toes..

    Try this or don’t…

    I don’t give a shit

  3. Is this an exercise in reframing?

    Giving more of “a shit” of what I think about myself and actions, as opposed to caring less of what others think of me?

  4. Definitely agree. This is exactly how you get the dynamics to turn in your favor. If I’m really sucked in I’ll pay attention but as soon as I can tell things are getting a bit out of my control I pull out the cell phone and get ready for subject switching. BE CAREFUL THOUGH, you don’t want to do it too much or too obviously.

  5. I like to use the shrug to display this. its pretty good when throwing out a controversial line, or giving someone some well deserved and good hearted “shit”.


    Also good when dancing, dance like you’re having fun and don’t give a shit whether you look dumb or not. if it’s obvious you’re enjoying yourself, people will join you.

  6. I actually Don’t give a shit. But, I guess internally, I am smart enough to know when to turn it off and on. I roller skate 3 times a week. My main outings of the week. This is where I work PUA. I needed IDGAS to not worry what regulars or management of the rinks think of me. I need IDGAS to put down rejection fear. Or any fear. I got rudely stonewalled by 3 women I approached a few days ago. I was just being friendly. I casually walked away, and did not feel bad. Why? IDGAS. My mind can race about a million negative things. So yeah, I embrace IDGAS pretty heavily. I NEED to. Frankly, it relaxes me. But I am smart enough not to do it to a stupid degree. IDGAS frees me up to act. Not lock up, paralyzed in thought. IDGAS is in the front of my mind constantly. But right behind it is GAME, and making good contacts.

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