“You just have to stop giving a shit.”
Many students and teachers of the social arts teach the “I don’t give a shit” mentality as an effective frame for achieving socially-related goals. The idea is, if you don’t care what people think, then you can just go around saying anything to anyone without being hurt by rejection.
I do believe that the idea of acting uninterested or “not giving a shit” has value, however that value lies in “not giving a shit” as a technique rather than a mentality. A student of the game should care what people think. One of the best ways to get good is to pay enough attention to people that you’re able to put yourself in their shoes. Trying not to care about what someone says or thinks will prevent you from learning this skill.
It’s sometimes important to act uninterested, but to actually be uninterested is not helpful.
Appear uninterested, don’t be uninterested
The advice to “just stop giving a shit” should really be, “When necessary, appear to not give a shit.” Acting uninterested works like a disqualifier as long as it’s paired with moments where you obviously do care. Pay attention and interact with the person you’re trying to converse with, then when you feel like you need to disqualify, just act like they’re beginning to lose your attention. Check your watch, pull out your phone, or simply gaze off into the distance. Eventually, they’ll notice and if they change subjects or tries to get your attention, then it could be an indicator that they’re interested.
Test the waters
Some guys try to adopt the “I don’t give a shit” attitude because they want to be able to say and do really outrageous things when they’re interacting with women. The key to this, again, is paying attention. You won’t get very far if you don’t test the waters first and watch how people react.
Go into every set being loud and disrespectful and you’re bound to fail. Instead, tease the person you’re trying to attract with some playful negs or disqualifiers.
If the person you’re interested in begins to react playfully, teasing you back, then you can ramp it up. As your social intuition develops, you’ll begin to get a sense for how far you can take the teasing.
Have better things to do
One of my all-time favorite pieces of Neil’s advice is this: “Always appear to have something better to do than pick up women.” Actually having other things on your mind is a very natural way to pay less attention and appear like you don’t give a shit. Try to fill your own life with enough activity to keep yourself busy.
For more on this, read my old post: Three Ways To Start Improving Your Game.
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