How To Use NLP For Seduction

grockwellThe Game28 Comments

NLP, or Neuro-Linguistic Programming, was founded in the early 1970’s by Richard Bandler and John Grinder. The two men studied three different master therapists and, using what they observed, created a system that helped practitioners become aware of the commonalities found in human interactions. NLP essentially helps organize the complex patterns inherent in human communication. So, naturally, it has become a large part of the seduction community.

Neuro-Linguistic Programming has always had a deep-rooted connection with the social arts. Many gurus make outrageous claims about its power while other gurus ignore it completely. The question is, does NLP work and what is its real value in the art of pickup?

For the most part, the term NLP has been misused in the seduction community. The original intention of NLP was as a tool for therapists to help them communicate with patients. Generally it’s confused with hypnotism, when in actuality it is a method for effectively conveying thoughts and emotions with someone; in other words, creating a shared perception of reality.

NLP’s greatest asset to a pickup artist is its comfort-building technology. Building comfort is a lot like being a therapist, in that you’re trying to create an atmosphere where she feels safe enough to share personal stories with you. However, unlike a therapist, you will be sharing your stories with her in an effort to build a strong emotional connection.


If you were to sit down and describe a scenario to someone, how would you describe it? Most people would talk about the sights, sounds, and feelings associated with the scenario they were describing. These senses used to describe the situation are representational systems. Each person has a primary, secondary, and tertiary representational system that they use to communicate. Someone whose primary modality is sight will use visual words to describe a situation. They will use phrases such as, “I see what you mean.” Or, “I’m looking into it.” While people whose primary modality is sound will use phrases like, “I hear you.” Or, “That rings a bell.” Many therapists who use NLP in therapy claim that communication between two people who are of the same modality will be much stronger; the two will more easily understand each other. Conversely, if they have differing primary modalities, like visual and emotional, then it will be much harder to understand each other.

Learning to effectively use modalities can help the aspiring social artist communicate with a woman while building comfort or attempting a seduction. The key is to listen to the words she uses when telling a story and decide whether they are based on sight, sound, or emotion. Once you decide which representational system they use most, respond in the same modality. With practice, the seducer should notice that the target is much more responsive to everything being said.


When sifting through the endless amount of information that makes up the seduction community, you will undoubtedly find mention of “anchors.” An anchor is anything that a state or frame of mind is linked to. For instance, when you hear the music that was on the first time you had sex, it will trigger memories of that experience. It’s relatively simple to create anchors that get you into a specified state. The method is as follows: Each time you’re in a positive state, like when you’re feeling confident, powerful, or happy, you’ll take two fingers and put pressure on your wrist. Remember to repeat this every time you’re in the same state. The point is to “anchor” the feelings you have to this spot through repetition. The theory is that after this state has been anchored, you’ll be able to touch your wrist and trigger that positive state.


Patterns are pre-written scripts that use many of the NLP principles to indirectly convey a specific message or trigger a specific feeling in the recipient. If you’ve been in the community for long, then you’ve probably heard a number of them mentioned. Some examples are “The Natural Woman Pattern” or “The October Man Pattern.” These patterns are easy to find and read, however, they are not very useful without an understanding of the principles at work behind the scenes. Each pattern was meant to be read aloud in a very specific way, with specific pauses, inflections, changes in tonality, and body language. If you plan on getting into patterns, be sure to pick up the book Introducing NLP by Joseph O’Connor and John Seymour. This seminal book works as a great text for learning NLP and contains all of the principles you will need to know to run a pattern.

NLP, as far as the social arts are concerned, should not be studied as your sole method of attraction. Its best place is in comfort-building and seduction. NLP can easily increase the effectiveness of routines like The Cube, Strawberry Fields, and Style’s Eliciting Values, because it teaches you to listen in ways that many men do not. If you are planning on getting into NLP for the purpose of pickup, a good suggestion is to begin with a basic psychology text and an introduction to magic – specifically misdirection. Derren Brown’s book Tricks of the Mind is a great introduction to the psychology of magic and mind games. NLP is a complicated pseudoscience, and can take years to master. However, understanding NLP’s basic principles will certainly level up your game and give you a greater understanding of how you and the women you meet communicate. Since communication is the key to every interpersonal relationship, there’s no doubt that NLP is an art that any aspiring social artist should at least investigate.

Here’s a great video of Darren Brown performing some pretty interesting pickup techniques:

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28 Comments on “How To Use NLP For Seduction”

  1. thanks that was very well written. The october man sequence is on youtube last I looked.

    I’ve seen Derren Brown live. He did the spike in a bag routine and a choose a chair with an envelope plus some other little “tricks”. His words were interesting in a very “sly” sales man way. I say that because I noticed some of the same tactics used at a scamming auction when I was young but was blinded by greed so at that time didnt notice the creepyness and got scammed. Later in life I realised you cant cheat an honest man and find I notice the creepyness/needyness easier if I dont want anything. Trouble is some of this stuff is so good the only way to beat it is not to play.

    Also had some guy come to the garden trying it on selling gas contracts. Only way I won/got rid of him was to throw more questions than him. He was definitely creapy and trying to use something, infact at the time I thought hmm youve read the game.

  2. NLP is definitely a really useful tool. However it should be just that, another tool. Its like trying to get into shape, but only working out your arms. After a while, you’ll just be that guy with really big arms. Gotta stay in shape in all the areas.

    1. Do not offend the guy with the really big arms!
      No, opposite problem here. I am the guy with the really big legs and no upper body muscle whatever due to some stupid upper bod…whatever, why am I even posting this.
      I mean of course NPL is another tool in your toolbox, and there is no use having a sledgehammer and a skalpel if you are just trying to screw some things. Thing is, the more tools you have, the better you’re off faced with different tasks, so NPL is certainly something to look into, but not put all your eggs in.

  3. My second time through reading The Game I noted down a few books which Neil read and Introducing NLP by Joseph O’Connor and John Seymour was one I bought, was pretty interesting stuff not only with pick up but other every day scenarios, I tend to use anchors the most but with pick up patterns are the way to go and it even helps with just reading their body language (eye movements etc.)
    Game on

    1. Richard Bandler calls NLP a set of tools & techniques, as well as an attitude…
      And although not all have their uses in Seduction, quite a few actually do.
      I’m thinking instant rapport techniques, various forms of anchoring, state control and state elicitation, ambiguous language patterns, presuppositions, hypnotic metaphors & story telling, increased awareness, physical calibration, even energy spinning, recognising eye-accessing cues and preferred representational systems. These and lots more certainly make for a great and richly filled toolbox, if you actually know what you are doing…
      Which I found strangely enough, all of its possibilities notwithstanding, most ‘practitioners’ apparently do not. And so there is a lot of white noise about NLP working or not.
      Now I may not be the world’s foremost authority on the subject, I do have some experience here.
      What I found is this:
      * It matters greatly HOW you’ve learned the techniques – reading a book or two will not get you anywhere near the results as you would from listening to an audio course or watching an NLP Training DVD, which in itself bleaches in comparison to following a live training. No surprise there, right?
      Having said that, in the last few years an almost spore-like explosion in NLP Training Centres, Bus loads of Coaches, Hordes of Agony Aunts and a frightening number Phobia-Facilitators saw every Thomas, Richard and Harold presenting themselves as something they are not in order to cash in on Market Demands. (Hmmm… sounds like the PUA ‘industry’ doesn’t it?)
      As such, it makes all the difference WHO you’ve learned them from and what THEY and YOU do with them.
      Know someone that prances about them being NLP Practitioner, or even better so: Master Practitioner, as if it were a title, then simply muse at the idea that according to Bandler it means nothing more than “Trying things out” or “Very good at trying things out”.
      Oddly enough, these are usually the people that do all BUT try stuff out. Something doesn’t work the way you expected, or hoped for? Great, try something else. That’s the whole idea…
      As for myself, I decided a while ago that if I want to know or learn something, I try to get as close to the source as possible.
      Simple strategy, really.
      Highly effective too…
      I can wholeheartedly recommend it 😉
      (Hence me being here, I guess…)

      Recommended reading:
      NLP WorkBook – Joseph O’Connor
      Figuring Out People – Michael Hall
      Sleight of Mouth – The Magic of Conversational Belief Change – Robert Dilts
      Persuasion Engineering by Richard Bandler & John LaValle
      The Power to Influence – Paul McKenna & Michael Breen
      NLP & Leadership Practitioner course – Christopher Howard

      Live Training?
      Bandler & La Valle
      Paul McKenna
      Michael Neill

      (Beware of these ‘Platform Selling Seminars’, unless you want to go there and see how they do it…)

      All the Best, and even Better!


      PS For those of you that are unsure whether or not language patterns are effective, I suggest you try to get a copy of Kenrick Cleveland’s “Dark Side”…

  4. A great article on NLP and seduction. Ross Jeffries was the first PUA and he used NLP as his bedrock. I’m glad others are telling about its powers and limitations. Imagine having to listen really hard to what a women is saying and not being waiting to speak and hear your own voice/ideas. Is it any wonder English men come over to the U.S. and score more many times more women than the avg Yank.

    I’ve learned a lot just studying speech patterns and diction from great English actors like Anthony Hopkins, Daniel Craig and esp Michael Gambon. We as Americans can take a page from these English Actors and learn that less is sometimes much much more.

  5. Hi there,
    Has anyone read the new book by Ross Jeffries ?
    And if so would you recommend it reading ?

    1. Derren is indeed great, but don’t believe everyhting you see! Now, I’m not saying that one, two or all of the girls where hired actress, just that they might be. The principles in mentalism are a lot simpler than they seem.
      You might want to watch this video too
      and try guessing along: the first ones like you would normally do, and then try this: after you decide wich word is on the card (“yes” or “no”) pick the opposite.
      The last video is really about how predicltable we are, and also a little bit about suggestion. It’s one of the tricks I do and works wonderful when done correctly.
      P.S. If you are interested in mentalism the book to get you started is Corinda’s 13 steps to mentalism

  6. FACT: As a certified NLP Practitioner at the Trainer’s level…NLP is something you have go through extensive training much like Landmark Education. People can’t just pick NLP and read a book. The brain is a complicated mechanism, if you play with your brain, you can easily create someone really awful results. The brain is NOT a toy as is hypnosis, it’s NOT a Toy! One may imagine learning from someone NLP Certified easily and effortleslly now or not? NOT everyone can learn this unfortunately, you have to learn it experientially and behaviorially just like Judo, Aikido or martial arts. IN my own humle opinion.

  7. I was recently researching for NLP stuff and i found something that I couldn’t really understand, guys, what’s the diference between NLP and Nuero Semantics?

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  10. Actually the Audio is very bad.. I don’t speak English very well.. I did not get the point on how in the video Derren Brown discovered the things these girls were thinking, could you break in segments all that happened? What’s the trick behind? What are the dynamics? What do we need to know to do similar things?

  11. NLP has been disproved in the mental health realm. It is a waste of time learning. That is what I was told during a psychology class at university. Then I happened to read this meta analysis, the first of its kind on NLP.


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