The friend zone sucks. It’s a result of too little attraction and too much comfort. Hearing her say, “You‘re really a nice guy,” or, “You‘re like a brother to me,” can be painful when you want more.
3 STEPS TO AVOID THE FRIEND ZONE
1. Disqualify her to build attraction
The first step to avoiding the friend zone is making sure that she is attracted to you. To do this you simply follow the rules of the game: disqualify and build value until you see indicators of interest. If you’re the kind of guy that gets caught in the friend zone all the time, you might not be disqualifying enough.
Disqualification means telling the girl that, for some reason, you’re just not into her. It’s the most counter-intuitive piece of the game and, for the new guys, it feels weird. Don’t let discomfort stop you, though—it’s necessary. Next time you’re out, make sure to come up with some reason that you and she aren’t right for each other.
Here are three used and tested disqualifiers:
- You’re cool, but you don’t seem to be adventurous enough for me.
- We can’t hang out anymore – I’m an asshole and you’re so nice. It would never work out.
- You would be perfect for one of my friends.
2. Be patient, but go for the kiss.
You need to go in for the kiss at some point. A guy who misses his window of opportunity to kiss her and opts to spend more time building comfort will end up in the friend zone.
If you don’t think you can spot a window of opportunity when it appears, then you have to create it by using routines like Style’s Evolution Phase Shift, or by simply saying, “Do you want to kiss me?”
I know it can be scary at first, but trust me—going for it and screwing up is a better option than hesitating and missing it. At least she’ll know that you’re sexually interested in her. You can always try again later. The game isn’t over just because you make one mistake.
3. Only have past relationship talks on your terms.
It may seem that talking about how awful her ex-boyfriends were is a great way to build comfort—it’s not. If you sit around talking about it too long, there’s a chance she’s going to start treating you like your one of her girlfriends or one of her other platonic male friends.
It’s highly likely she has an emotional connection with those past lovers that’s way deeper than the one she currently has with you. When you’re talking about those guys, she’s connecting to those emotions. You want her to be thinking about you, not them.
So if the ex conversation does come up, cut the thread and talk about something else. Here’s my favorite way out of the relationship conversation trap:
“We should skip the ‘whose ex is worse’ conversation. You’re going to win; I’ve only been in awesome relationships.”