We Attract What We Are

afrankelPublic, The Game18 Comments

My best friend’s wife used to tease me that there was no way anything crazy I did was going to kill me. It was definitely going to be a woman that did me in…

One day my best friend and his wife accompanied me to look at a piece of property. It was a large property in a very central part of town. The price was extremely low, but it sat for a very long time. The reason: It was next door to a mental institution.

The friend’s wife proclaimed, “This is perfect for you, Aaron. Its a pretty wooded lot in the heart of the city. And the perfect place for you to pickup chicks is right next door!”

This was probably due to one woman in particular I dated. She openly admitted to having waking fantasies about killing me with a red pillow. Not just any red pillow. She had one all picked out.

You’d think this was a woman I had wronged in some way–nope. As a matter of fact, we were still screwing when she started making the statement.

You’d think something like that would be a big sign for me to stop having sex with her–nope. The sex was as crazy as she was. I just stopped falling asleep at her place after whatever debauchery had been accomplished. This also included keeping a mindful eye on any second girl de jour that joined us.

This was one of the more extreme examples, but not an isolated incident.

Charlie Sheen’s character on Two and a Half Men once said, “Crazy girls are THE BEST! You just have to watch their hands…”

Crazy women are fun. Crazy people are fun for that matter. They are a departure from the norm. You never know what to expect. However, if it’s all your attracting it’s time to consider the source. The same can be said about any undesirable attribute.

Some time after the girl with the red pillow, I was sitting with a group of PUA. One guy out of the blue announced that, “All women were money grubbing bitches! That’s all they cared about!” Sadly, this was not an uncommon type of comment for him to make. We’ll call him Bob.

Bob was an extreme example. However, there were plenty of other guys that, to one degree or another, seemed to endlessly attract the wrong type of women.

The interesting thing about this was: It wasn’t just the women in their lives. If you met Bob’s friends, you would notice they had all the same characteristics as the women he dated. And again, this was not isolated to Bob.

It’s because we attract what we put out into the universe. If you’re sane, crazy probably doesn’t want to hang out with you…

This isn’t to say it in a karmic new age kind of way. We can also say the vibe we give off.

Opposites may attract on occasion, but the more natural attraction is between people that are similar. For example: If someone is very high energy and someone is very low energy, they are not likely to mesh well or for very long. The low energy brings the high energy down and vice versa. These are unusual and likely uncomfortable states for the individuals. When you do see two seemingly opposing personalities together, there is a stronger bonding similarity you’ve not yet noticed bringing them together.

With the guys that put in the maturity and introspective work, things started to change. Over the years a core group of PUA saw each other go through periods of attracting better than the previous period. Eventually we were attracting some pretty amazing women–both inside and out.

There was also a new perspective with which things were viewed–doing for ourselves. For instance, guys stopped dressing for any other purpose than an expression of themselves and because they liked it. A Peacock, after all, grows his plumage for a female Peacock. He does not do it for every feathered fowl that happens by–they are of no consequence.

What this really all boils down to? Inner Game. But not in a way many are used to looking at…

Typically inner game is relegated to sorting out approach anxiety or personal feelings of worth. That work will get you better than you have gotten, but there is a plateau.

The plateau is that we only get better at approach and confidence.

If all we are meeting is crap, perhaps it’s time to ask ourselves why–rather than throwing blame externally. And as I alluded to earlier, it won’t just change the romantic interests you attract.

What was this group focusing on instead of just approach anxiety and self-confidence?

Answer: Their value.

We all started examining every aspect of our lives: the quality of work we did, how well we took care of ourselves, keeping our word, and what made us happy without harming others. The expression became, “You have to be your best to expect the best–inside and out.”

Want a woman of merit and high quality? Become a man of merit and high quality…

18 Comments on “We Attract What We Are”

  1. Basically, achieve what one is looking for in life and one will ultimately attract similar interest women in the places one frequents. Talk about a good way to motivate people to achieve the goals they have set for themselves.

  2. Truer words were never spoken… Written in this case. Great post Aaron. By the way, either I don’t get the play on words in the title or it’s misspelled.

  3. I figured this out about myself about a year or so ago. I now dress better, I got a better job (one I didn’t think I was good enough for years ago) and I look after myself better (eating well and working out more). However I still seem to have a inner wall blocking true inner worth or value. Don’t get me wrong I’m improved. And people I talk to say I seem on the outside someone of value but I don’t feel it inside. I’ve been to a hypnotherapist but at the time I wasn’t sure what I needed from it and I suspect the hypnotherapist wasn’t as good as he could have been….
    Any help much appreciated.

    1. Feeling your own self-worth is kind of a different thing. Just as important and as much of a road block in life though. I wrote a whole thing about feeling your worth years ago and never did anything with it. I’ll have to dig it up, clean it up, and post it week after next.

      Can’t say I have much experience with hypnotherapy. Hypnotica (from The Game) had a CD called Sphinx of Imagination. Hard to say if it really worked or not, but I felt like it did–listened to it once a day for months. It’s onAmazon. Although it was $30 when I bought it and some joker is now selling it for $139.69. For some reason the MP3 is not longer available on Amazon. But you can buy it off his site directly: The Sphinx of Imagination. There seems to also be a newer version on his site The Sphinx of Imagination Soundtrack 2011 edition.

  4. The last two sentences make a lot of sense. I know Ive been known to behave Beyond being a little nuts or silly from time to time. Changing habits and allowing positive things to enter your life… It ain’t easy.(:
    Great article
    Thanks

  5. Just got some good piece of advice from Gene Simmons

    “The most important thing in life is to be a selfish asshole. Do what you want, piss off everyone and stop hanging with the guys because they’re not going to get you money or sex. You’ll be more attractive if you hoard money and love. I’m as ugly as they come but the powerful man has the twinkle in his eye, not the genes.

    It’s about being honest. A woman may prop up her tits and show off her ass but really she wants to see if you can ignore that and treat her as a human being before you treat her like a woman. Never approach a woman with a drink in your hand; just go up to her, state your intention and read the signals.

    Women are the traffic lights of life – you have to wait for that light to go green. If she says no, so what? You move on, you find another and the next will want you. Men have millions of sperm and it’s their duty to spread that seed and advance the gene pool. That’s not philosophy, that’s fact. And if you stick with just the one girl, then you’ve got it all wrong my friend.”

  6. I’ve decided to take myself out of the dating game for a while until other areas of my life come into play since I’ve noticed the quality of women that have crossed my path are way below par to me. While I don’t think you need money, looks, etc. to get the best women I do believe that having a more positive view of oneself is key.

    Might take a while before I get the things I need and want that will make me happier but I’d rather wait to get where I want to be mentally, etc rather than continue to attract women that I know I wouldn’t want to deal with, even casually.

    1. I would say it’s more than just a positive view of one’s self. There are plenty of blow hard pricks that are very positive about themselves that are still lacking value in their lives.

      It’s more about knowing you are of value because you prove it day in day out. At that point people are fortunate to have you in their life. It will show because the people in your life are also the kind of people that are fortunate to have in your life.

  7. I heard a speech in this at church d other day, they were talking about relationships n how if all you are meeting n connecting with are nasty girls it’s maybe cuz you’re a nasty guy, if you’re meeting crazy girls its maybe cuz ur crazy if youre meeting smart girls n connecting with smart girls its cuz your a smart guy..n I may add that also it might be the same places you go to meet these girls I know this may not be a hundred percent true not all girls at clubs are bad but just my two cents

  8. This is true. It makes a lot of sense. I’m an introverted person but, I wanted to hangout with high energy people. So i became a high energy person, then out of nowhere they came without me noticing. It’s hard to adapt to a new persona, but at the end is worth it.

    Great Article Aaron!

    1. Hey thanks! Yes, we can adjust ourselves to go in another direction and then attract what we want in our lives. Good job not saying, “Well this is just who I am.” and excepting what you’ve always gotten…

  9. This is a great article and it gives me a little bit of a boost. I’ve had a relationship for almost a year and i’ve learned allot from it and from life in general. But it wasn’t the relationship i was looking for. Funny that it’s being mentioned here as two opposites with one high energy (me) and the other (ex-gf) being low energy. For me, i couldn’t keep it up. After breaking up had a little bit of a weird and sometimes hard time but i still don’t regret that decision. And now i’m doing cross-fit 2 days a week, i’m looking for evening schools i can attend to, i started reading more (Napoleon Hill, etc.) and more. I’ve started the journey i started about 5 years ago only now i’m having a much better start. Well i did my story, not telling that again 😉

    Thanks again for this great article!

    1. It’s so true about it being hard to cut things loose that aren’t working for us. And also so true that life starts to take off when we cut the dead weight. Often it’s not even about whether or not they were a good person. Just not good for us. Thanks for sharing, Flameboy.

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