How To Get Women to Love and Stay in Love with You

Neil Strauss127 Comments

This is a guest post by Betsy Prioleau, author of Seductress and the recently released book Swoon: Great Seducers and Why Women Love Them. Betsy argues that, contrary to popular myth, the men who consistently captivate women do not fall into the familiar stereotypes: the satanic rake, alpha stud, slick player, Mr. Nice, or big-money mogul. Instead, she has found that legendary ladies’ men are a different, complex species altogether, often without looks or money. They fit no known template and possess a cache of powerful erotic secrets. Through her extensive research, she has learned the secrets that great seducers use to electrify and enthrall women, and she generously shares some of them here.

A select group of men throughout history have an almost supernatural ability to make women fall and stay wildly in love with them. They take seduction to a new level. Often without rank, riches, and good looks, they possess a unique, largely unknown erotic MO.

These love maestros are a diverse lot and include all manner of men—penniless scholars, polo players, preachers, diplomats, adventurers, and ordinary Joes. One “enchanter” of the Napoleonic era, Chateaubriand, was a bandy-legged 5’4″ introvert; another, the toothless, lively writer of Mozart’s operas; and another, “delectable Desmond” MacCarthy, an obscure figure in literary London of the 1920s with “smallish genitals.”

What’s their secret? For starters, they fit none of the standard profiles of suave seducers. Rather than cool he-men with hunters’ logs, they’re more like the legendary Casanova.

Giacomo Casanova, the eighteenth-century Venetian author, diplomat, and fabulous ladies’ man, wasn’t the heartless rake of song and story. He treated women as friends and equals, devoted himself to their happiness, and was more pursued than the pursuer.

If anything, he was a fool for love. At twenty-four, he had a passionate affair with the brilliant “Henriette,” a Frenchwoman in flight from her family, and nearly died of grief when they had to part. He holed up in a remote inn, refused to eat, and was rescued by accident on the brink of death.

Sixteen years later, she called him “the most honorable man” she had ever known. “Honorable” may be too strong a word; Casanova had his vices, such as con games and gambling, but “bad guy” glamour was no part of his allure. Like ladies’ men in general, he was a fascinating moral mix, nice with spice.

These great lovers share several other unexpected traits. Counterintuitively enough, they tend to have a feminine streak, and to have something charisma experts call “straddling characteristics,” minor defects and vulnerabilities.

Gary Cooper, the film icon of American manhood, had an endearing limp and blended artistic sensitivity and delicacy with his masculine swank. His charm center, said his countless life-long lovers, was his “ravishing androgyny.”

As for seductive strategies, master lovers handle these with a difference. Instead of a calculated, offensive campaign, they treat love as an art, an approach that dates back to antiquity. The idea is that a grand amour requires artistry: creativity, intuition, drama, customized moves for individual women, and a sophisticated skillset of psychological and physical charms. As with any art, the principles are elastic. They don’t have to be taken wholesale, and can be adapted to a man’s special tastes and talents.

Aly “Don Juan” Khan, a marquee name of the 1950s, “threw away the rule book,” tapped into ancient love wisdom, and creatively designed his approach to suit his strengths and specific women. His lovers were legion. “You hardly counted,” said a socialite, “if you had not been to bed with Aly.”

Unspectacular in appearance—a sallow complexion, paunch, and receding hairline—Aly radiated “sweetness” and treated women to an imaginative, unforgettable courtship. He gave them “magic carpet” trips to exotic hideaways, and made them feel like “queens.”

He wore his heart on his sleeve. When he saw movie star Rita Hayworth for the first time, he gasped “My God, who is that?,” overhauled his chateau to her liking, and besieged her with phone calls and three dozen red roses a day until she agreed to divorce her husband and marry him.

Physical lures for the Khans of the world are never standard issue. Whatever spells they choose—dress, music, sex, or setting—they endow them with originality, and soup them up for maximum sensual impact.

Italian poet and politician Gabriele D’Anunnzio was a mage of the senses. Although bald, short, and “ugly,” with fat legs and wide hips, he was an “erotic sensation,” in turn-of-the-century Europe, inundated with beauties who begged to sleep with him, and adored forever by distinguished women, including stage diva Elenora Duse.

He knew his strong suits and how to play them. Creative and ardent in bed, he specialized in oral pleasure and supplied women with “stinging kisses” through “long intoxicated nights.” He also understood the erotics of space. A born interior decorator, he designed mind-altering rooms, filled with flowers, rare collections, and lush, red cushions. Asked why he never went to their place, he replied, “And sacrifice my privileged position of sorcerer?”

Mindspells, however, are the heavy magic in seduction. Love is a psychological takeover, a soul heist, and women, studies show, are more aroused by mental stimuli than men. Grand amorists concentrate 99% of their lovecraft on the female psyche, and invest cerebral charms with artistry and imagination.

They are brilliant praisers—inventive, smart, and attuned to what each woman most wants to hear. Intimacy, they “get”; they bond with women, yet maintain a sexy tension between we and me, union and selfhood.

What they do best, though, is conversation, a potent, long-acting aphrodisiac. Women treasure men who can give good dialogue—listen, engage, and interest them. Nineteenth-century Russian writer and love magnet, Ivan Turgenev, was no beauty (tall and stoop-shouldered), but he enthralled women with his “beautiful faculty of talk.” One aristocrat called him “her Christ”; a teenage girl grew ill with love; and dozens fell under his spell.

His most spectacular conquest, though, was the married opera diva and siren, Pauline Viardot. When she came to St. Petersburg to sing, he joined her fans backstage each night on a bearskin rug, and literally talked her into love with him with his eloquence, collaborative flair, and engaging anecdotes. Their liaison and passion for each other lasted forty years.

Turgenev, like every great romancer, was a perpetual suitor. He showered her with love letters, flattery and festive outings, and kept desire taut with variety: calm and rapture, presence and absence, habit and novelty. Above all, he remained infinitely fascinating, evolving during their affair into one of Russia’s best authors.

Contrary to rumor, such men aren’t extinct. While many guys today—casualties of the hookup culture—lack courtship know-how, some undercover Casanovas are getting laid and loved—loved always. They’re sincere, really like women, and intuitively take the amorous approach of the master lovers. They wield charms that accentuate their pluses, and throw their creativity and hearts into it.

No man needs the whole cache of love spells to captivate women. Luke, a Baltimore computer jock and ladykiller, excels in sensual lures (except music) and skimps on verbal praise. Another darling of women, Vance a gourmet store owner, is long on sentiment, yet short on humor and dress sense. As Brian, an arch-lover who is neither androgynous nor “vulnerable,” explains: “the quiver doesn’t have to be fully stocked. If you have eight out of ten characteristics, you’re already about seven steps ahead. It’s a wide open field.”

Buy Swoon here: And you can find more from Betsy at and on Facebook at

127 Comments on “How To Get Women to Love and Stay in Love with You”

  1. This backs Neil’s theory of DHV. If you can demonstrate higher value you are well on your way to success…

      1. “It sounds like?” what your computer talks? I read that sht, I didn’t heard it, are you freakin’ retarded?

      2. Roca,

        Stop flirting with me. I understand that you get turned on when reading my posts, but I am telling you to STOP, so you will STOP.

        1. Is that how you flirt little brat? That’s why you suck with women. Start behaving and respecting people, and I will do the same to you. You rarely write something good, most is pure crap. I’m just trimming the good stuff. and I will not stop until you learn what TACT is.

  2. This is some really cool writing, I am especially fond of the idea that you don’t need excellence in every seductive characteristic to be quite attractive. It really highlights the importance of learning seduction from self observation and from women, as opposed to men. I have definitely made the mistake in the past of comparing myself to other guys negatively by highlighting particular characteristics that I lack. I will definitely check these books out!

    1. Remember that a woman’s agenda includes keeping the awkward geeks AWAY from her, without hurting their feelings, of course, because that would be mean. Taking advice from women on how to score with women is RETARDED.

    2. You have NO IDEA what you mean, and you have NO IDEA what you are talking about.

      You are so eager to supplicate, it makes me wonder if you’ve even read “The Game”.

  3. Listen Honey,

    Having Ted Danson hair, a 500 pound dead-lift, wide shoulders, excellent taste in designer clothing, a sincere passion for what you believe in and the things you do day in / day out, along with being the co-founder of a successful business have never hurt anybody in the “scoring with ladies” department. Goodness, discipline, and knowledge… The big 3.

    What KILLS a man’s chances is advice like, “you don’t need to be impressive, you just need to be yourself.”

    Remember that Neil Strauss is preaching to computer geeks, with untreated clinical depression and they need to make RADICAL CHANGES just to build up the nerve to talk to a stranger. Some of them would much rather play video games and jack-off than have to sit through a discussion about lady-stuff… They don’t even really like women. Neil included, the guy really only loves fringe music and adventure travel.

    Forget about tough love, you need to preach a type of prison love to these weirdos.

    1. And what’s wrong with fringe music and adventure travel? Both have gotten me into relationships with really high quality women. It’s what you make of it. The game will get you laid. If you want MLTR’s or a relationship you need an interesting life and back story. Women love that. And they will stick around. That’s the point of the article I think.

    2. There is a simple misunderstanding here:

      Clever and passionate men who WANT women to stick around will be successful, even if they have very little in common with Sydney Crosby.

      Men like Neil, who are preoccupied with niche interests don’t actually love women enough to make THEM happy.

      MLTR’s? You have got to be fucking kidding me…

      Women will NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, EVER support a man who desires having MULTIPLE LONG TERM SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS with different women.

      This bullshit female advice is NOT “The Game”. Neil is no longer “The Game”. That was my point, and you missed it.

      Big, strong, tough, successful, intelligent, good looking, men who believe in what they do GET LAID.

      An “interesting life” and a “back story” will get you laid like having untreated clinical depression will get you laid. IT WON’T. These things won’t even convince a woman to stick around after she’s already spread her legs for you.

      The difference is that NOBODY wants to read a book about how to be a music geek, and travel around looking for trouble, because being a music geek is an uneventful lifestyle.

      1. You are wrong. I am interested in men wanting multiple relationships with multiple women. I am not, however, interested in trolls.

        1. Please specify… Do you like to share your man with other younger, more attractive women with bigger tits?

          Let me guess, you also have the hots for geeks who are eager to supplicate hoping for some pity coitus.

          You have the mind of rank amateur.

    3. If someone breaks into this guy’s house and steals his caps lock key and his steroids I will nominate them for the nobel peace prize.

    4. Listen Jack-off,

      First of all it’s MY PALACE. Then you would have to FIND my palace. Based on your numerous limitations, it’s going to take you a good long time, even if I give you directions. Years later, what you will actually find there is whey protein powder, Creatine, the keyboard I used to help me win a real Nobel Prize in PHYSICS, and a massive Special-Forces Paratrooper type guy waiting to give you a tour of the balcony’s imaginary fire escape.


      1. spoken like a 13 year old angry gamer when his mom has cleaned his gaming set. Open up the blinds and let some sunlight in your room and in to your soul.

        Everybody can be a cynical, dare to be a optimist!

      2. I’m a very POSITIVE person. Teenaged gamers have neither the mind of a scientist nor the physical conditioning of a special forces paratrooper. What you’ve just said is passive-aggressive balderdash.

        When some worthless turd with hurt feelings talks about breaking into where I live, I will not hesitate to set him straight.

        You are NOT man enough to be anything like me, but I will give a shot at trying, because I always give people a fair shake.

        I am not cynical, but I will not stand idly by while some twisted little geek sells his soul to Keyser Soze.

        Being an optimist is RETARDED. We most certainly do NOT live in the best of all possible universes. We live in a world where there are little bits of good floating around in an ocean of BAD, EVIL, and SIN. It is not just happening outside of you… It is also happening inside of your own mind… There is a constant war going on between right and wrong, and you are not man enough to even believe that it exists.

        I want to see Neil post some legit articles here, and leave the bottom-feeding “just be yourself” fuck-ups out of the discussion.

      3. I actually kind of agree with what you are trying to say about this article. But that’s not why I commented your response.
        The problem that I have is with your attitude. I mean, come on stop bragging already, it’s making me feel sad. It’s a classic case of validation seeking if you ask me. Pulling yourself up by putting others down. Why do you keep ripping on other people? And don’t tell me your trying to motivate others because this is not the way to do that.

        It seems you only see flaw and weakness instead of potential and growth, that’s what I meant with be more optimistic. Where you see a stone, I see a diamante in the making.

        ps. nice Usual suspects reference, it really made my day.

      4. Bootwin,

        It is not my job to motivate people. I do care about the well-being of the people around me, and I will say positive and courteous things to them, if and only if saying these things will benefit their state.

        When saying something positive means a renunciation of the truth, then watch out, because I shall apply the full weight of human potential into broadcasting when a fraud is being a fraud.

        For example, the functionality of this website is piss-poor when it comes to something as simple as replying to a comment. Cascading indents work ONLY when they are small and there is enough width on the page to justify them. Neil, you have got to FIX this problem, you IDIOT. I had to reply to my initial post just to make this reply to your comment fit. That is a hack and a workaround for a website run by a guy who studies the fringe liberal arts.

        Sometimes I want to private message another user to write a more in-depth analysis of their post, but I cannot. That should CHANGE.

        I want to make things better, and I have the capacity to make them the BEST. I sure as fuck am not looking for validation, and there is NO WAY IN HELL that this website can make me feel great.

        I read “The Game”, and I see potential, so it upsets me that Neil has turned his efforts to a bullshit pyramid scheme where people give SUPER-DUPER advice without inconveniencing themselves.

        I still want to know how Neil cleared a fallen tree, because details are IMPORTANT. Did he petition Tinkerbell, or did he buy a chainsaw? Perhaps he just used his creative writing skills to tell a STORY which he invented to transmit DHV spikes.

        PS – The Usual Suspects is on my Top 10 list. It upsets me when people think that Keyser Soze is a fictional character, because the whole message of the film is that, though you won’t recognize him, and you think that you are smarter than him, HE IS REAL, HE IS REAL, HE IS REAL, and HE EVEN HAS A PLACE TO WORK INSIDE OF YOUR OWN HEAD.

        1. Think you are totally right on the functionality of this site. Since Neil started to use the inner circle as his personal network and source of finance this place has gone from mediocre to plain bad.

          Any post from Neil, either a plug for a product, a request for the community to help (Wasn’t there a concept: If you want people to like you, ask them to do things for you), or music.

          Thinking about it, even the music is a plug.

          So sadly, this site has little value now. While there are so many better blogs out there.

        2. The most ridiculous part is that 99% of the users treat Neil Strauss like he is some kind of living saint.

          Functionality Request: I would like an email or account notification when somebody replies to my comment, so I don’t have to keep scanning over the same threads to see if they have changed…

          1. there is no glorification here, neither to Neil or anyone, only RESPECT. Look up that word in the dictionary little brat

          2. Stop the flirting already. I am trying to tell you that I am not interested in your mediocrity.

          3. Is that how you flirt little brat? That’s why you suck with women. Start behaving and respecting people, and I will do the same to you. You rarely write something good, most is pure crap. I’m just trimming the good stuff. and I will not stop until you learn what TACT is.

            You are mediocrity, I’m doing the world a favor by calling your bulshit

      5. It’s his PALACE, because he is a princess. And nobody fuck with his keyboard because he has fucked it so many times that you would get a disease if you ever try to fuck with it

  4. Neil,

    This guest post was a mistake. This female advice hokum is the sort of shit that turned you into a pussy when you were younger, and now you are promoting it? Why?

    1. Correctamundo…

      What does matter is that you don’t bother reading any of them because you SUCK.

      Produce some actual content, or keep your mediocre hopelessness to Facebook and YouTube, where it belongs.

      1. lol darling, don’t get sensitive. It’s ok, I give you permission to get mad. It’s ok styleofman, you can nag, it’s ok…

    2. Let people make up their own minds, iv read her guest post and it looks well researched and I am tempted to buy it out of interest. Your active on this site so cant be that bad.

      But I agree, All these primary PUA are making a living out of telling you, that you need them to get laid. But then some people do need to study the theory first. Again we can make our own minds. Im sure there are lots of computer geeks out their getting laid regularly and have never even heard of the term PUA

      I think PUA are really beta males, alpha males have reproduced many offspring, are loyal strong and supportive. Beta’s use deception to project the image that they could be a good catch

  5. This is a good post. Definitely nice to see the examples of a historical references. As well I enjoy getting the female perspective of what built and held the attraction in women for these particular men. I particularly liked this quote; “Love is a psychological takeover, a soul heist, and women, studies show, are more aroused by mental stimuli than men.” It goes to show how one can learn attraction rather than just being born with these assumed attributes most believe to be what attracts women. Thanks for posting dude.

  6. Great article. Important for readers who are over-inundated with PUA culture’s pervasive mono-personality to be reminded that artistry, real individualism, and a dash of mystery are more important than “techniques” and “tools.”

    I’m sure I’ll be getting a reply on this from some narrow-minded, childish loser who, because of the wonderful and impressive circumstances of his life, has the free time to obsess dramatically over what I and everyone else here have written. Seems having a Nobel Prize and the “physical conditioning” of a black-ops commando ain’t all they’re cracked up to be, if they lead to the same lifestyle as bitterly living with your parents until age 50 and never pursuing any meaningful self-fulfillment.

    And that’s probably the only comment I’ll have time to post on this site for a month or two, because I have a job to do and a life to live and women to love. I hope all the rest of you have the same, and the good sense not to waste your irreplaceable time arguing with people who just need serious mental-health treatment.

  7. I call “bullshit” on this story. Most of the named Seducers where living in the era of romance and new discoveries. if you were literate, and most were not in these times, you probably could talk your way into the bedroom with an educated woman. The Rita Hayworth story as written is also implausible. I believe Hayworth was discovered by Howard Hughes or at least her career was helped by him. If Khan was a Hollywood insider, that in itself would have been enough, looks or charm would have had nothing to do with it, much as it does in Hollywood today.

    1. So what you’re saying is that rich guys with high social status are able to make women happy?

      I guess it’s time to make a lot of money, get jacked, and become a doctor, with a passion for emerging social trends. I had a feeling this was going to be a tricky procedure.

  8. Yes, this was when women were still women and actually had a brain! Today, women are more and more like men with vaginas.

      1. At least you’ve given up trying to defend Neil, and now you’re just trying to defend the retards.

  9. A very interesting post- most of the approaches mentioned above are opposite of David D Angelo’s “cocky funny” and other “technology” covered in The Game. A big aspect of The Game and Mystery Method is showing authority in her world and taking her off her pedestal- these approaches in the above post seem to be more like giving her a bigger pedestal than shes ever had before- Im not saying it wont work- history seems to show otherwise- but then again The Game has its own history too… the above methods may be more for the long haul, which is good for those seeking the long haul- then again The Game is always there if she starts thinking your a doormat and gets bored..

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