Don’t Listen to Her

Neil StraussNeil, The Game

Before we get started debunking a dating myth with our guest, Chris Rock, I need to quickly answer the most common question I’ve been getting in the mail:

“No.”

No one has found the cache in Emergency yet. It’s still there, in the exact spot pictured in the book. And I thought I’d made the clues TOO easy.

Okay, moving on…..

“The Most Important Thing In A Man is a Sense of Humor”

Ever heard a woman say those words?

Yeah, I heard them a lot too, and in the days before The Game, I believed them. I even became the class clown in school, hoping it would help.

It didn’t.

When I entered the so-called seduction community, one of the first intuitive lessons I learned, which really exploded my head, was: Practically everything women have told me about dating my whole life is wrong. What they SAY they want in a man isn’t what they RESPOND to.

Yet even after writing The Game, women continued to insist that, more than anything else, they were attracted to a guy with a sense of humor.

Having been backstage at countless rock concerts and watched the way women threw themselves at humorless bands, I knew this couldn’t be true. Especially compared to backstage at comedy shows, where there were no groupies to be found.

But being an investigative reporter by nature, I didn’t want to rely on just my own experiences before discounting the myth. During a Rolling Stone interview, I decided to ask someone who many consider to be the funniest man performing today about it…

Me: Do comedians get groupies?
Chris Rock: You probably get more business groupies as a comedian. As a rock star, you get a more sexual thing.

Me: What’s a business groupie?
Chris Rock: Somebody with, you know, a script, saying, “Hey, here is my script, here’s my writing sample. I flew from four towns away to get you this. I was in your hotel lobby in Seattle and Vancouver. Please read this script.”

Me: Girls always say they want a guy with a sense of humor. But it seems like they chase athletes and rock stars and rappers and serious actors more than comedians.
Chris Rock: Yes, comedians are the bottom of the ladder of getting laid. If everyone’s at the party, comedians would be the last guys picked.

Me: Why do you think girls say that?
Chris Rock: You don’t listen to the other part. They want a RICH guy with a sense of humor. Big difference.

Me: I know a lot of rich guys who do horribly too. I think women respond more to a certain set of high-status behaviors than money.
Chris Rock: That may be. The thing with comedians—the reason the other people always get laid instead of us—is that everyone has a mystique. There is a mystique to being a singer: What is Prince like? What is Sting like? What is Nelly like? You don’t know them. Comedians have absolutely no mystique. They get to know us too quickly.

Me: And so you end up in the friend zone?
Chris Rock: Yeah, they get overly comfortable with us. At the end of the day, comedy is still some nerd shit.

So there you have it. Share this with a woman next time she tells you she’s just looking for a guy with a sense of humor.

Yours in Myth-Busting,
Neil