The Universe Is Not Cruel

Neil StraussNeil, The Game

So you wanna get good at the Game?

Let’s talk about motivation.

I recently ran into a guy who had been studying seduction for years. He had read everything there was to read, and was familiar with all the leading PUAs and their theories.

Yet he said he hadn’t kissed a girl in six months.

I asked him how many approaches he had made in that time.

His answer: “I can probably count them on one hand.”

I think one of the biggest sticking points most guys have is with their WORK ETHIC.

To get good at anything takes time, energy, work, practice, leaving your comfort zone, and even risking failure. (As you hopefully know by now: what a loser calls failure, a winner calls useful feedback.)

When I got home, I sent this student a quote from The Game. It reads as follows:

“In life, people tend to wait for good things to come to them. And
by waiting, they miss out. Usually, what you wish for doesn’t fall
in your lap; it falls somewhere nearby, and you have to recognize
it, stand up, and put in the time and work it takes to get to it.
This isn’t because the universe is cruel. It’s because the universe
is smart. It has its own cat-string theory and knows we don’t
appreciate things that fall into our laps.”


This student was willing to take the time to read a lot and post a lot online – hours each day. But he was not as willing to make an approach, which just takes minutes.


Because reading is easy; DOING can be scary, especially if it is a new behavior that is not habitual for us.

And furthermore, real work is not about the time spent doing something, it’s about the ENERGY expended doing it.

And it is often JUST before a major breakthrough or success that the path is most treacherous and discouraging. Most people quit things in life just on the BRINK of success. And it’s only those who  stick with it — through the “pain period,” to quote a certain body-builder-turned-governor — who get to become champions.

One of the lessons I learned from The Stylelife Challenge is that when the going gets tough, the weak go away. The MOST dropouts occurred at two points: the first was when Challengers were asked to leave their homes and start approaching, the second when they were sent on a mission to practice disqualification, which is an intimidating and counter-intuitive thing to do. But that is precisely why it is so powerful and effective.

If you are on this list to improve yourself, one quality you want to groom is inner strength, self-motivation, and your work ethic. Success is not going to just come to you once you know enough. It’s going to come to you once you invest enough energy into it – and energy channeled in the right directions, into the right tasks, and with the tutelage of the right friends and teachers.

So this is a message to the gentleman I met at Katsu-Ya, and to anyone else who is not where he or she wants to be in The Game or in life: Stop holding yourself back.

One of the biggest reasons people give for not putting the work in is TIME. But there are no REASONS for failure; there are only EXCUSES.

Here’s a simple reframing exercise you can apply to those excuses that keep you from meeting women (or writing that screenplay or taking that trip or whatever your goal may be):

  • Turn a dead-end excuse such as: I don’t have time
  • Into a solvable problem: I don’t use my time efficiently.
  • Into a task: How can I use my time more efficiently so that I can meet women/write a screenplay/travel?

Make sense?