Learn The Rules Of The Game: Rule Three

Neil StraussThe Game55 Comments

You Are Too Proud to Beg

If you’ve ever been approached by a beggar, chances are that you didn’t take him home with you.

Yet when most men approach women, they come on like a beggar.

In order to master the walk-up – the part of the pickup that strikes terror in the hearts of most of us — before you even open your mouth, there are a few things you need to remember in order to avoid rejection.

Within the first few seconds of seeing you, a woman has passes judgment on you. And it is a very simple judgment: yes or no. In order to get a yes, there are three key points to remember that separate you from a beggar.

The first is to smile when you approach. Even if it a grin doesn’t come naturally, force it. The reason: it predisposes the woman you’re about to engage to respond positively. A strange man approaching can be a scary thing. When a scowling man walks up to a car and asks for change, chances are that a driver is not going to roll down the window.

The next key point is to come in with equal or slightly higher energy level than the woman or group you’re about to talk to. Most people are out at night to have fun. So if you’re someone who can add to their fun, you’ll be welcomed into the group. However, if you’re bringing them down or making them strain to listen to or understand you, it doesn’t matter what you say – they’re going to try to get rid of you as soon as possible.

Finally, when you open your mouth, don’t begin by saying “I’m sorry,” “excuse me,” or “pardon me but…” Sure, your family raised you to be polite, but starting a conversation this way makes you sound like you’re about to ask for change.

Where men are generally attracted to beauty, women are generally attracted to status. And a man of high status never apologizes for his presence


Next Week: The Time Constraint



55 Comments on “Learn The Rules Of The Game: Rule Three”

  1. I’ve noticed that, even if you come in, feel like you’re interrupting their conversation, they usually don’t take it that way if you enter using the points above. Before the Game, I was always that guy who would hover outside a group, until someone turned to acknowledge me, and then I’d apologise for the intrusion. Thanks Neil for inventing the third kind of guy – the one who can learn to be great!

  2. I REALLY NEED TO CONTACT NEIL STRAUSS,Its NOT about money,its something deeper then that.
    How can I contact Neil ?????

    1. If your mouse has a scroll wheel, give it about 3 full revolutions in the upward direction, there, you’ll see a ‘Contact’ Tab, click, and voila 🙂

  3. The part that sticks out to me is when you say come in with equal or slightly higher energy level than the woman or group you are going to talk to. I had an Aha! moment when you first mentioned it a while back but good to see you keep bringing it up because it IS a highly important factor if you want to stay on top of your game.

    PS. It’s very weird to read this because last night I had a dream that I ended up in a train with a group of German soldiers (male and female) who had an attractive girl with them and she looked at me as I approached and I clearly remember the very thought of “keep ur energy level higher than theirs” crossing my mind. It ended very swell but its better to use in reality rather than dreams : )

    1. On the other hand, that’s visualization: And it’s good training for reality. In fact, your dream may be the very definition of unconscious competence 😉

      1. Neil I’m in college, and I’m supposed to take a “social” subject. Since there is no “cold reading” subjects, what should I take? If I want to learn how to read peoples bodies.

        1. I’d be surprised if your uni had a course called “body language, though knife is correct in his aim. Look for something like “Interpersonal Communications.” It’s an excellent start for understanding “cold reads” because it factors in the theory of the “why’s” behind person to person comms, as much as it factors in the “what’s.”

          That being said, once you feel like you’ve got a solid grasp on the “why,” focus on the “what” as it’s a lot easier to change.

        2. Kinesiology maybe?? not 100% if it would help, but a friend of mine done a touch of it and it sounded like something that would be useful.

  4. I really enjoy these posts. They are great reading and it must appeal to my style of learning. These things stick(haven’t had a dream about thou), but things pups up when I’m out. After reading “introducing NLP” i finally feel like I’m getting to my inner self. Especially Framing has been a real revelation for me. And i think that is what this post also shows. Going in with a smile and a slightly higher energy level is a way of grabbing control of the frame, making your frame more fun to be in, and they are more likely to follow. I’ve tried this just last night after reading it. All of a sudden I had a small crowd around me, people I never meet. Giving be drinks and such(this was before I told them it was my birthday, that was a cool boost to the situation by the way!).
    I also got to try something els I read somewhere on these boards. It was the Line: “my mother just raised me well”.
    I took a girl out for pool before heading into town(great game for Kino escalation, especially if the girl is bad at the game). As I said earlier, some of the things i read from here just pups up, so I remembered to put that line in the mix, and later the “Note to self, don’t date this girl” while pretending to writing in my hand(also I live in Denmark, so the language barrier truly doesn’t exist!). It wasn’t much later I felt the moment and went for the Kiss(also a great point served just right by mr. Neil!). Guess I just wanted to share one of the best nights out using what I have learned and gathered since reading “The Game” a few month back. Looking forward to the next post.


  5. th comparison with a beggar is a great way to drive home the point! I remember exactly how I feel when I sit iin my car at the red light and the beggar approaches me shaking his coffee cup. An emotional experience I can relate to, a teaching point that sticks!

  6. in case of street approach, isn,t its better to start conversation with excuse me or not… wat you think guys?

    1. Agreed SNY. The difference in a street approach is, you generally have to “stop” a person, or get the attention of a person, were most people are focused in getting elsewhere(in the case of a main street). So there the social-function of “excuse me” etc, is to get the attention to ask simple questions. And of course your appearance is also noticed a bit more in the daylight.
      To sum up. I agree 😛

      1. This has been covered elsewhere but bears repeating. Don’t try to stop anyone in the street, walk ahead, look back over your shoulder and in a confident voice launch your opener. Don’t throw an “excuse me” or a “sorry” at the start. You’re not sorry, you’re about to bring interest and excitement into their day. Instead use an assured, “hey/hello/say, I was just….”

  7. I swear, no matter how much someone reads these same tips about how to approach, they should never stop. These things keep me in check like a mofo. What helps me get the energy going is talking to fat chicks or dudes or whoever i’m not interested in talking to in order to get energetic and warmed up before i approach any females that are decent looking.

  8. Presence is definitely a huge factor.

    One of my friends is a shortish indian fellow (we are mostly white Australians), yet he has one of the most prominent personalities out of the entire social circle. At a party two weeks ago, I was talking in a group of guys and girls civilly. He approaches the group between two girls, puts his arms around them and exclaims: “Biitcchhezzzzz!”

    This gentlemen, is presence, but not displayed effectively – at least for our aims (presuming your aims are similar to mine). Despite full marks for confidence, his criteria in charm and class had been branded a red hot ‘F’.

    It is important not to pour too much ‘cockiness’ into your confidence or else the mixture may be unpleasant.

    1. Hmm. That’s pretty funny example but it seems like your little buddy may have gotten away with it because that approach took on an air of being “one of them.” Seems like something a gay guy would do.

  9. I’ve been having issues with my Windows hosting. It has set me back quite a bit while making the next list. This is the current list that I have. I should add another list in less than a week. I’ll let you all know when the next list is ready. Thank you for your patience.

  10. Cool one! Interesting tips over this website. It’s pretty worth enough for me. In my opinion, if all website owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the internet will be a lot more useful than ever before. I couldn’t refrain from commenting. I have spent 2 hours looking for such infos. I’ll also share it with a couple of friends interested in it. I’ve just bookmarked this web. Now with the search done, I will enjoy some live sexy cams. Thank you!! Greetings from Californa!

  11. Very Nice post . Yes this this the right way for blog commenting . We should not do spamming through blog commenting . We should address the right information .

  12. When I originally commented I seerm to have clicked on the -Notify me when neww comments are added- checkbox and now each time a comment is added I receive four emails with the same comment.
    Perhaps there is an easy method you are able to remove me from
    that service? Many thanks!

  13. Paykasa, 16 haneli pin kodundan oluşan, daha önce çok yaygın olarak kullanılan bir ön ödemeli kart türüne benzeyen, içerisinde euro bakiyesi olan bir ön ödemeli sanal karttır. İçerisindeki bakiyeler özel olarak üretilemediği için standart kart bakiyeleri 10, 20, 50, 100, 150, 250 tek kart bakiyesi olarak satılmaktadırlar. Tek kullanımlık bir kart olan paykasa kart, kullanılan sitede kartın bakiyesini girmenize gerek kalmadan sadece 16 haneli tek kullanımlık koduyla işlem yapmanıza olanak sağlamaktadır.

  14. Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew of any widgets I could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates. I’ve been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this. Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.

  15. I want to know if I should do a trademark or copyright for the following…. . This pseudonym is used too make music (band) photography, writing and website. . . I want to own the name and also protect the work under it, what is the best way of doing this? Do I have to keep copyrighting individual pieces?.

  16. Nicee post. I was checking constantly this blog and I am impressed!
    Very helpful information specifically the last part :
    ) I care for such information a lot. I was looking for this
    certain info for a very long time. Thank you and good luck.

  17. Does your blog have a contact page? I’m having a tough time locating
    it but, I’d like to shoot you an e-mail. I’ve got some ideas for your blog you might be interested in hearing.
    Either way, great website and I look forwadd to eeing it expand over time.

  18. Hi there! I know this is kind of off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could find a captcha plugin for my comment form? I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having difficulty finding one? Thanks a lot!

  19. Hello just wanted tto giv you a quick heads up. The words in your article seem too be running offf the
    screen in Firefox. I’m nnot sure if this is a format issue
    or someething to do with browser compatibility but I thought I’d post to
    let you know. The layout look great though! Hope you get the problem resolved soon. Kudos

  20. I’ve just added a fresh new list. This is by far the biggest list to date. I hope you all are having a great week. Take care and happy link building.

  21. I think that everything said was very logical. But, what about this? suppose you typed a catchier title? I mean, I don’t want to tell you how to run your blog, but what if you added something that makes people want more? I mean %BLOG_TITLE% is kinda plain. You might look at Yahoo’s front page and see how they write post titles to grab people to open the links. You might add a related video or a picture or two to get people interested about what you’ve written. Just my opinion, it would make your website a little livelier.

  22. Good! Interesting article over this web. It’s pretty worth enough for me. Personally, if all site owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the net will be much more useful than ever before. I could not resist commenting. I have spent 3 hours looking for such infos. I will also share it with some friends interested in it. I have just bookmarked this website. Now with the work done, I going to enjoy some online trans cams. Danke!! Greetings from Columbus!

  23. I’m seriously enjoying the design of your weblog. Do you come across any kind of browser interface issues? A lot of the website visitors have lamented about my omega xl pills website not operating appropriately in Explorer yet looks excellent in Chrome. Do you have any ideas to assist fix the issue?

  24. seo uzmanı olarak şirketimiz php seo hizmeti vermektedir günümüz ortamında site sahiplerinin php bilgisi nekadar iyi olsada php seo metotları arama motorlarında optimize edilmesi gereken hususlardan bir tanesi web siteniz nekadar iyi olsada arama motorlarına duyarlı olmasına özen gösterin. php seo uzmanlarımızdan destek alabilirsiniz sitenizi aramotorlarına duyarlı hale geçirelim.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *