Learn The Rules Of The Game: Rule Two

Neil StraussThe Game

Hesitate and All is Lost


One of the biggest mistakes you can make when it comes to meeting women is thinking about it too much.

Last column we discussed walking into the club and looking like you’re having a good time, instead of ogling anything in a skirt. Now it’s time to start learning how to make your approach.

The most important advice my pickup mentor, a gangly illusionist known as Mystery, taught me was the three-second rule.

This means that when you see a woman you’re attracted to, you have three seconds to approach her.

If you wait any longer, one of two things will happen.

Either she’ll notice you staring at her and get creeped out, ending the game before it’s even begun.

Or, more likely, you’ll think about it for too long and get too nervous to approach. You’ll talk yourself out of it with any number of excuses, such as, “She’s not that pretty anyway” or its opposite, “she’s so pretty she probably wouldn’t go for a guy like me.”

Guess what? It doesn’t matter whether she’s pretty or not. If you stop to evaluate her, you’re going to look desperate and shallow (which, of course, you are, but she doesn’t have to know that yet).

Instead, take a deep breath, tell that anxious voice in the back of your head to shut up, and go in. The worst that can happen is she’ll ignore you or pretend like she has to go to the bathroom. Don’t even stop to think about what you’re going to say. Once you’re committed to the approach, you’re going to have to say something. (We’ll give you some fail-proof opening lines in a future column.)

Then figure out during the conversation if she’s the kind of girl you want to spend more time with. If she isn’t, the worst that happens is that you look popular to the other women in the club. After all, if this one doesn’t work out, you’ll be approaching them next.


Next Week: Body Language.