How to Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back

gypsyrayThe Game35 Comments

I couldn’t make her understand. There were tears in her eyes.

She did not want me here, pleading in her bedroom. She wanted me gone.

But if I was here, then I wasn’t alone yet.

We broke up before and we got back together. We broke up and we got back together for two years. But this tasted like the end, acidic in my throat.

“How would I become the guy without the girlfriend?” the thought of it hurt. The suffocating idea of the loneliness crept around me as I wept out her door, down her stairs, home.

That night ended. The lines I should’ve said to her rolled through my head like a twenty-four-hour scrolling LED sign. Then emptiness, rejected, cold bed, piles of laundry, stale air of never leaving the house, and so my life began again without her.

I stayed busy. I called the buddies I’d neglected for years to be with her. We went into the unwelcoming weekend jungles of bars and clubs. We got drunk and rolled the dice, missing more than we ever hit. I played World of Warcraft until I could level no more, then I started another character.

Still, she haunted me. I found her hair on my pillowcase. This song or that song, or every song was the one she loved. Her Facebook said “single” now. All I had of her was the pain, and I wasn’t letting go. The hole she once filled was all I had left, and willingly I fell into it.

Then I found a book shaped like the bible. I opened it because I didn’t believe its title, The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists. I read it in two days. Chandeliers of ideas exploded in my head. The question was, “Would it work on her?”



“Hey, it’s me.”

“I know.”

“Pick a number between 1 and 10 but don’t say what it is.”


“It’s 7, right?”

“Yeah, what!? How did you…”

“I think I’m becoming psychic.”

“Whatever. No you’re not.”

“Yeah, I went to a palm-reading lady. She had me do this personality test called The Cube. I think it made me psychic.”

“Really? What was it?”

“Well, it’s called The Cube. It tells you all about yourself in a few questions. So first question…”

We met at a coffee shop. I demonstrated high value, I disqualified, I showed pre-selection, I built jealousy plot lines like the ancient Egyptians built pyramids. To her, I was an all-new attractive me, fresh off the showroom floor.

We got back together! We watched movies, ate dinner, took road trips, and screwed like rabbits on the night before bunny Armageddon.

It did not last. I had only whitewashed the exterior of the rotting house of our relationship. We had hurt one another too much to ever build anew. And this last breakup set our home on fire. Our burning words scarred our memories of each other forever. We never talked again for many years, and then only at a distance in sparse words.

I know, I know, many of you had one like her. You’re broken for her. And so it goes that I am asked, “Can I get her back?”

Yes, you can.

Good game can do it. But it does not matter if you do. It will self-destruct. There’s too much hurt around you both to make it right. And even as you read those words, you denied their truth.

It takes hard work, my friend, to move on from the love who crushed you. In time it will pass. I will give you now the real prescription…

Do not contact her. Remove reminders of her from your sight. Un-friend her on Facebook. Take yourself out of her life, not forever but for right now.

Read the teachings of the pickup artist community. Rebuild yourself. Put in the time to become a better you. Mold yourself into the man you want to be, a man able to approach any woman, a man with the girlfriend of his dreams.

Date ten other women and ask yourself if you still want her back.

You’ll see her again someday. When you do, make her wonder why she left you.


Now, so many years after the hurt is over, I am glad I had her. I’m glad she ripped a hole in my heart. Without losing her, I wouldn’t have read The Game. I wouldn’t have become a pickup artist. I wouldn’t have met and worked for Neil. I wouldn’t have had the courage to chase my dreams.

I urge you to embrace your pain. Make it the fuel that ignites the fire of your self-improvement. Thank you, Marlene.

35 Comments on “How to Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back”

  1. Pery

    Wonderful post Ray .. You just summarized the pain one goes through after a break-up .. More importantly also the solution to it .. Thanks

  2. Osiris

    Preach it, brother! I did this inadvertently a few years back. I thought my life was over after getting dumped, turns out it was just getting started! At the time I felt forced to reevaluate my life, now I see it as one of the greatest things to happen to me. Without that, I, too, would never have picked up the game, I wouldn’t be engaged, I wouldn’t be anywhere close to the level of success in my career.

    As for the girl who dumped me? I see her from time to time, and even if we just see each other for 5 minutes in the grocery store she somehow manages to mention regretting getting rid of me.

    Gypsy, you’re a rock star!

  3. casanovenus

    just what i needed,you know its like i thought she was my 1 itis i belived we were gonna get married have a couple kids and then die.Yeah right every AFC say the same words before they get The Game (life changing experince).You know its like in The Game Neil says if you think you in love Fuck more girls and see if that flower still lives and Hell yeah it worked for me

  4. llmrspa

    That is definitily a topic that unites man! We try to be gentle and kind… the best me I can, and yet.. she dumped me.

    Maybe we are just not soulmates.. our personalitis don’t match! Maybe a so-called perfect boyfriend is not what she’s looking for righ now..
    But those are really what I call an “unfair question”, ’cause:
    1- it will never be a right answer
    2- this answer doesn’t change the scenario

    One way or another, if she haven’t dumpeb me, I would have never read The Game and searched for so many others experience that definitily makes me a better and happier person today. AND THAT’S THE ONLY THING THAT MATTER in the long term.

    I can only end this just like Gipsy, thank you Juliane!

  5. Jip

    Good article, although it’s not something I can empathise with (as I’ve yet to experience it) it’s certainly something I can sympathise from after countless times of watching my pals go through the motions.
    It’s ironically refreshing to see truisms covered from time to time.
    The idea of guys abandoning their friends when a new partner comes on the scene really burns with me. It’s frustrating to see a relationSHIP become a submarine, dragging people away from surface contact for long periods of time.


  6. Russianthunder

    every day I thank the girl (and her rejection)that got me into PuA.
    I did eventually get her, in the sack at least, and now i see what a mistake it was to even try and date her.

    it’s made me a better person, 100% (and still getting better)

  7. andydood12

    How would you introduce the cube into a conversation thread when you’re doing it to an ex-girlfriend since in theory you already know much about her personality so she could find it almost insulting that you’re trying to find out her personality through a game when you should probably already know it by then?

  8. Sllik

    cheers man i really needed that….i got dumped 3 months ago and ive been fooling around but sometimes i still think of her and what-ifs…..anyway seriously much needed that.

  9. puabeliever

    I was a pua fanatic three years ago. I read everything as I progressed through the stages. Within two months I’d go out on my own – I found that whenever I brought my friends out they’d do nothing other than interfere with my game. I’d do the approach within two minutes of scoping the club, and I’d have the time of my life. Every time. I don’t want to jinx myself three years later, but when it was all over – after having met Jenny – I took pride in having never been turned away. Although I wanted to be rejected to just get that experience over with, it never happened. Maybe it’s because I was obsessed with the game and (intended to) move slow through the stages. Often, I’d find myself thinking “crap, what now? I should have read the next chapter this chick is rubbing her thighs, flipping her hair, loves my touch, etc.”

    Anyway, enough of the long winded background. Unfortunately, Jenny and I have had some rough times lately and it’s gotten ugly. I noticed in the past when we’d break up, if I didn’t contact her she’d come to me. We’re totally in love so that’s all it would take. But we break up all the time now and now I’m afraid we are getting close -if we’re not already there – to a final breakup. What I’m asking is how do I get her back in a way where she’ll see the relationship – in its healthy state – as something that she needs. See, she’s a 42 yo VP and I’m an attorney. And our breakups always stem from what I feel is her getting from me what she needs, intimacy, feeling wanted, going out. But she is, although she won’t admit it, proud of having earned her independence in life and is reluctant to give that up. Our relationship is in stuck mode and at 45, I’m looking for a partner for life.

  10. blackwolf

    Thanks for that. I especially loved the line

    “There’s too much hurt around you both to make it right. And even as you read those words you denied their truth”.


  11. charmingjefferson

    Its been 5 years and I still think about her. She visits me once a month just to see how I’m doing, just this past month we were talking again and dating, but she just got over it. The calls, and visits stopped completely. I was doing such a good job in the beginning using “The Game” but than my emotions got the best of me, and I started showing her to much interest again(being clingy). I screwed up. I’m sure there is no way to recover. So I’m following your advice and loosing complete contact with her, I’m just hurting myself.

  12. lonelysmilez

    Hey Ray,

    Your article really resonates me right now. It has been 2 days and 22.75 hours since I last spoke to the gf I once had and it is difficult going through the separation period. She has tried texting me 3x to reconcile (we have reconciled multiple times before), but I do not feel like the time is right to get back together because it will be a vicious cycle (which was the case before). I know this isn’t a therapy website. Neil mentions in Rules of the Game that with the creative side, there is also a destructive side. I’m starting to realize more and more that men and women have different definitions and expectations of relationships and it really is easy for one person to fall out of love while the other person is still in love.

    I’m in the phase where I feel like a total afc who is really back at square one. I am alone and I am getting through it by myself without any distractions such as past exes or rebounds. It will take some time to rebuild my positive attitude and ultimately I feel that is attainable. Thanks for sharing your personal story and paving the way for like-minded individuals to also deal with their own relationship losses in a constructive way.

  13. Marcus.u

    Last week experience was the happiest moment of my life,i and my wife were separated for close to 3 years and ever since she left me i have always find things difficult for my self,taking care of the kids and especially my business which was going down gradually because of lack of concentration.I have always thought of getting her back but she refused because really i caused her disappearance i cheated on her often and when she could not take it she took for a divorce and after which i brought one of my girlfriend in looking forward to get married to her but not less than few weeks i noticed her ugly character and definitely such can not make a good wife i had to stay unmarried because i realized that after my wife left i could not find any woman as committed and humble as she wife was.
    To cut my story short i have gone wide in search for a powerful spell caster and i was informed by some of my friends that i should contact Priest Ajigar that he is very powerful and he can solve my problem i took his email from my him,i search his email and name on Google that same day to my surprise i saw so many persons testimonies saying that Priest Ajigar helped them to bring back their ex and also restored their broken marriages i contacted Priest Ajigar and he told me all i need to know and he ask me to give him 4 days that my wife is going to call me on phone i thought it was a joke and to my greatest surprise she really did call me, we kept on talking for like two weeks after which she came back home and said she is giving me the last chance that if she should stay with me as his wife again i should promise not to cheat on her again.I am so happy today to let the whole world know that Priest Ajigar is spell works and to all who are in search of help should contact his email:([email protected])

  14. mercy

    Ever since my Husband left me, my Love life have been a mess. And I always thought and wish that we were together and that he

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    this spell caster prophet king out of the blue and he did cast a Love spell for me and made my Husband call me the few

    minutes after he rounded up the spell casting for me, and he felt so sorry and remorseful for ever leaving me. I’m so happy

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  17. Arrybo

    cool post, we all been there and like the great book says to get over one just go and fuck ten, i know it worked for me x

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