THE ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION IS…

A: Thank you for your request. The inbox is checked daily. If I see something that seems right, I will get back to you as soon as possible.

A: Thank you for your request. The inbox is checked daily. If I see something that seems like a possibility, someone will get back to you as soon as possible for further information.

A: Yes, it really is. Except for holidays. Occasionally, however, something may slip through the cracks though due to the high volume of email.

A: Hi! Been a long time. Miss you, and can’t wait to catch up!

A: That’s great to hear. Thank you so much for the kind words. I will likely see your email. The best way to express your gratitude is just to stay in touch and in the loop by being an active part of the Inner Circle email list.

Sign up for the Inner Circle email list. Besides the books, that’s where I share my latest thoughts and ideas, give away unpublished work, and keep everyone up to date on new projects and appearances. Occasionally, we even have in-person parties and virtual “telehangs.”

Become part of the Inner Circle here for free here.

A: First of all, thank you for asking. I do four Intensives a year, individual mentoring for Society members, and personal coaching for Stylelife.

For more information on The Society, go to: www.thesocietyinternational.com.

For more information on Stylelife, go to: www.stylelife.com.

You can also email The Society at [email protected] if you have any questions.

A: The best places to learn about my upcoming appearances are my mailing list, and my social media (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram). I will always announce upcoming events there.

A: I’m always looking for someone with a lot of talent and potential, and a lot to offer. Feel free to send your resume and let me know your unique skills. If you’ve taken any assessment tests, like StrengthsFinder, include those results as well.

A: A movie has been in the works for ten years now. It was at Sony, then MGM. And some incredibly talented people (DB Weiss, Chris Weitz, Rawson Thurber, Ari Sandel) worked on the script. One day, it may even be released.

A: It just so happens that there’s a whole post dedicated to the subject of the “dreaded” friend zone on my blog. Check it out at www.neilstrauss.com/the-game/pick-up-purgatory-the-friend-zone.

Also, my book Rules of the Game, if you haven’t read it already, has all the detailed instructions of what I felt worked the best and may help you figure out where you went wrong. If you don’t want to buy it, just flip through it in a bookstore or check it out from the library.

A: I’m glad you enjoyed it. Since you’re ready for more, here are a few book recommendations:

1. Influence: The Art of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini

This is THE classic book on persuasion. And though it focuses on the advertising and consumer worlds, the basic principles it sets forth are the cornerstone of highly successful interactions. This is where the PUAs learned about key concepts like Social Proof.

2. The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene

This is a great historical study affirming and elaborating on the main principles of courtship, attraction, and seduction. Its great for long-term sarges. Maddash, in The Game, ended up attracting and marrying a girl who he and his friends considered an 11 by using the principles in this book.

3. Mastering Your Hidden Self: A Guide to the Huna Way by Serge King

This is the book that helped most with my inner game. The lesson: The world is what you think it is.

4. Introducing NLP: Psychological Skills for Understanding and Influencing People by Joseph O’Connor and John Seymour

I never found NLP to be the most useful tool for persuading others, but I did find it VERY useful for improving yourself. Some of the principles here will super-charge you on your path to mastery when the going gets rough. (For example, the idea that there is no such thing as failure, only learning lessons.) Other ideas here are great building blocks to create value-demonstrating routines in the field.

Hope this helps! And, of course, make sure you have my follow-up books, Rules of the Game, and The Truth.

Rules…” has all the detailed instructions of what I felt worked the best in The Game. The first part of the book—the Stylelife Challenge—offers a good step-by-step regimen to refining/developing your approach and working on specific “sticking points.”

The Truth is my latest book, and it’s the next step after The Game. It’s about “deep inner game,” understanding the hidden forces that attract us to each other, and learning how to keep someone once you’ve attracted them.

A: We still talk, and his life could fill many more books. If you’d like to ask him a question yourself, he’s living in Toronto now and you can find him online here: www.askmystery.com.

A: Steve P. has a website: www.schoolofstevep.com. You can look up nearly all of the gurus in the book online. They’re still doing their thing.

A: Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. Even after 10 years, I still find these theories interesting and new ones keep coming in. Yet I’m not any closer to figuring out the truth!

A: Yes, human nature doesn’t change. People make the same general mistakes in person as they do on dating apps and websites. Just remember that The Game is not about certain canned openers or routines (the “training wheels”), but about understanding “the social matrix” and why these things work.

A: I wrote a great blog post about this: www.neilstrauss.com/neil/this-e-mail-is-a-monster.

In short, yes, these techniques can and have been used everywhere. Most rely on general principles of human behavior, which are valid regardless of location.

We are more alike as human beings than we are different.

A: The book Rules of the Game has all the detailed instructions of what I felt worked the best. The first part of the book—the 30-day Stylelife Challenge—offers a step-by-step regimen to refining/developing your approach and working on specific “sticking points.”

It’s also a good resource that will help you develop confidence and try new things. If you don’t want to buy it, just flip through it in a bookstore or check it out from the library.

If it doesn’t answer your question, go to www.stylelife.com. There are forums there, as well as coaches who I’ve trained and worked with for a decade.

A: I get this question a lot. Start by reading this document on Limiting Beliefs.

If you want more, search Audible or iTunes for my audiobook on Overcoming Approach Anxiety. It’s an incontrovertible proof that approach anxiety actually doesn’t exist. It’s like Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.

A: Sounds like you have “one-itis.” This tends to fall under the category of Limiting Beliefs.

LIMITING BELIEF: There’s this one girl…

REALITY: There are many incredible women in this world. If you’re hung up on one particular one who you just can’t get out of your mind—and she hasn’t given you any sense that she shares the same feelings—then recognize that’s not love you’re feeling, but obsession. And that obsession is likely to scare her away. The best thing you can do for yourself and for her is to go out and interact with as many women as possible, until you realize that there are plenty of people out there for you—some of whom are capable of recognizing your worth and reciprocating your feelings.

Here are some things you could do:

1. Give her space—make yourself scarce for a bit.

2. When you do come back, let her see you with other women.

3. Later, reintroduce yourself to her with a different look or vibe. Let her see a different side of you.

There was a section about limiting beliefs in my book Rules of the Game. Since you took the time to write in, I’ll give you that section now for free. Just go here.

A: Keep looking. There are many incredible women in this world…some of whom are capable of recognizing your worth and reciprocating your feelings and not cheating on someone.

A: Great question. Here are some tips:

1) Read or listen to The Six Pillars of Self Esteem book or audiobook by Nathaniel Branden. Repeatedly, if you have to.

2) Do the Stylelife Challenge from my book Rules of the Game. This will help you to become more outgoing and take more risks in your life. You can do it in 30 days or take it as slow as you want. Just keep moving forward.

3) Get a wingman who’s better than you and learn everything you can from him.

4) Success breeds confidence—once you get more experience, you’ll have more confidence.

5) Read The Truth. It’s partially about the early life experiences (such as having a critical, absent, or achievement-oriented parent) that lead to low confidence and esteem later in life.

Also, it just so happens that there’s a recent blog post on my site about overcoming limiting beliefs about yourself. You can find that here: www.neilstrauss.com/neil/overcoming-approach-anxiety

This post goes even deeper:

http://www.neilstrauss.com/neil/stop-your-mind-from-doing-a-number-two-on-your-life/

Finally, my book Rules of The Game also has a section on Limiting Beliefs that you might find useful. Here’s the section for free, as a thank you for writing.

A: You are most definitely not out of luck. Nothing about the way you look is a hindrance; only your beliefs about the way you look are a hindrance.

A: Brief disclaimer: In complex matters of the heart, your heart alone needs to make the decision.

The big question to ask yourself is: Are you running towards happiness or are you running away from it?

That said, when asked the question, “Is the PUA lifestyle as deeply satisfying and rewarding as having a committed relationship?” I say that the lifestyle was “an education.”

At its core, the game is the study of social interactions. My years in the community were like an intensive learning program to improve my social skills…not unlike college. But just like college, at some point, you need to leave campus.

The game period can be a bonding, eye-opening experience for many, but a relationship with the right partner can also lead to a happiness far beyond that of a wild hook-up. It’s all about where you’re at in your life. I recommend reading The Truth (and some of the books on The Truth reading list) to learn about what you really, truly want deep down.

A: First of all, congratulations on finding someone! If there’s one thing I learned from The Truth, it’s that most relationship issues are not about your partner or the relationship. They are about you and the way you relate to your partner. So as long as you are not being emotionally or physically abused in any way, work solely on yourself, with no expectations for your partner to change. As the saying goes: Sweep your side of the street.

As you grow and mature, you will start to see who your partner really is, without all the projections you’ve put on them. And then you will be able to make a clear-headed decision about whether they’re right for you.

A: Glad you asked. I spent a lot of time putting together a list of resources and reading so people like you can take your own journey. Here are links for them:

The Truth Resources and Reading List

It’s the most rewarding journey you will ever take, and at times the most challenging. Good luck!

A: It depends on what you’re in the mood for. If you want to read an intense biography, The Dirt has been called “the greatest rock book ever written by a human.” If you want to learn about my experiences in the pickup artist community, The Game is a great place to start. For further instruction, Rules of The Game would be your best bet. If you want to learn more about how to survive in a chaotic, unpredictable world, then check out my time with the survivalists in Emergency. And my newest, favorite, and most personal work is The Truth.

A: Congratulations. It’s a noble calling to want to create a world with just words. I’ve done a couple detailed talks with Tim Ferriss about this and you can check them out here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dTQWQXhSJU

and

http://fourhourworkweek.com/2014/06/24/neil-strauss/

A: I’m a big believer in internships. The mentors I had while interning at The Village Voice were critical in shaping my development as a writer. When you’re starting out, experience and exposure are more important than money or compensation. Establish relationships and take every opportunity you can to write.

A: The biggest influence on my writing style was being an avid fiction reader. I’ve listed the books that most influenced me, along with a few notes on them:

1. Ulysses by James Joyce (Gabler Edition)

I mainly signed up for the Joyce class in high school because I heard Greg Baker, a wheelchair-bound teacher who doubled as the school swim team coach, allowed the class to come to his home one Saturday during the semester and drink Guinness beer. Little did I know I’d be reading the book that changed my life, and taught me just how much could be expressed and explored with words. Since then, I’ve re-read the book every few years, and each journey through its labyrinthine pages has been a new experience with new revelations.

2. As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner

This book is another reason why high school influenced me more than my college education. When it came time to write The Dirt with Motley Crue, I looked to this book, with its multiple-voice, stream-of-consciousness narrative, for structure. From the story (of a motley crew on a senseless journey) to the characters (from the headstrong to the soft-in-the-head), Motley Crue is the Bundren family.

3. If On A Winter’s Night A Traveler by Italo Calvino

From the first word of this book, it’s clear that something different is going on. That first word is “you,” and this book was the first masterpiece I’d read in the second person. Beyond being extremely clever, it was also the first book I’d encountered that so wholly explored the act of reading and being a reader. (The next one was Flann O’Brien’s At Swim Two Birds.)

4. Life Is Elsewhere by Milan Kundera

The same girl who turned me on to the Calvino book loaned me this one. And though she regularly thwarted my amorous ambitions, I am forever grateful. For I think about this book on a daily basis: it tells the story of a boy named Jamoril, born to be a great poet. However, swept up in the pressures of family and the politics of the time, he becomes a hack instead. Every day, we all must make this choice, between living to our fullest potential or getting bogged down in the details of the small consensus reality imposed on us by work, family, friends, and society.

5. This one’s a tie between: Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut and The Painted Bird by Jerzy Kosinski

Two near-perfect examples of semi-autobiographical, semi-apocryphal, semi-fantastic historical fiction, both set in and around World War II. Where Slaughterhouse-Five veers enjoyably into comedy and science fiction (and is a great example of non-linear narrative), The Painted Bird is a gripping, disturbing portrait of the dark side of human nature. The images in both books will stay with you for a long, long time afterward.

6. The Butter Battle Book by Dr. Seuss

If Joyce taught me the power of the complexity of language, Dr. Seuss reminded me of the simplicity. The Butter Battle Book remains one of the most poignant metaphors ever written for the cold war, the arms race, and the folly of human nature.

7. Pale Fire by Vladimir Nabokov

Besides adding at least a hundred new words to my vocabulary, this cleverly told story (in the form of a poem and its interpretation) made it hard to take literary criticism seriously years afterward. Along with the equally revelatory Lolita, the perfect prose in Pale Fire manages to turn obsession into art.

8. Ask The Dust by John Fante

Though written in 1939, this story of a struggling, socially inept writer in Los Angeles could have taken place today. It’s a must-read for any writer, and guaranteed to reduce all ego and pretension to dust.

9. The Acme Novelty Library, No. 1 by Chris Ware

With the first volume of this seminal series, most about “Jimmy Corrigan, the smartest kid on earth,” Chris Ware made loneliness ache in more color and dimension than the saddest country song. Where Will Eisner and Art Spiegelman taught me that comics could be novels, Chris Ware taught me that they could be literature. Though the series has been anthologized into a book, the printing, graphics, and reproductions are far superior in the original comics.

10. Rarely have I had more trouble limiting a list to just ten. So let the tenth be a grab bag featuring Journey to the End of the Night by Louis-Ferdinand Celine, an epic meditation on the futility of war and the dark spots in the human soul; The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov, an epic satire that involves a talking cat, Pontius Pilate, and the devil; Spring Snow by Yukio Mishima, one of the most beautiful books I’ve ever read; The Basketball Diaries by Jim Carroll, which I strongly recommend for those on this list who don’t regularly read; The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami, in which a lot happens to one of the most passive characters in literature; The Dalkey Archive by Flann O’Brien, his least-known but funniest book, featuring a send-up of James Joyce; Midnight’s Children by Salman Rushdie and One Hundred Years Of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, two of the most fantastic works of 20th-century literature; Scoop by Evelyn Waugh, a hilarious parody of newspaper reporters, which I read when I was at The New York Times; and on and on and on.

A: Surprisingly, they haven’t. It’s still out there. There’s now a subreddit for cache hunters to compare notes: https://m.reddit.com/r/emergencycache/. Best of luck on your hunt!

A: Knives are a very personal decision. Each blade shape and feature has a specific use. As yourself, “What do I intend to survive?” There are fighting knives and then there are bushcraft knives. Here’s a small list of knives that are great all around ‘survival knives’:

Mad Dog Knives
Mora Knives
Traditional Series
Bushcraft Series
Cold Steel 38CK Survival Knife
ESEE
ESEE 3
ESEE 4
ESEE 5
Bark River Knives

A: The three best places to start are:

1. A local CERT class
2. On Point Tactical’s Urban Survival course
3. Search your local area for someone who leads “edible plant” walks.

These are not just great skillsets to have, but they’re a lot of fun to learn.

A: If you are interested in joining the group, here’s the link to the application: http://www.neilstrauss.com/work-with-neil/.

Feel free to email the support team at [email protected] if you have any questions.

The application is of course open to everyone. However, fair warning: It’s not easy to get into The Society and the group may already be full. But there is a waiting list. So give it a shot and good luck.

A: I keep an updated list here: www.thesocietyinternational.com/events