8 Steps To Survive A Break Up

Neil StraussNeil183 Comments

On my Facebook profile recently, someone asked for advice on a sequel to the popular how to break up post here: How to Break Up.

And I thought: Who is best suited to write that for this blog? The answer: Only a survivalist.

 

 

So below, our resident self-sufficiency expert weighs in on…

EIGHT STEPS TO SURVIVE A BREAK UP
by Aaron Frankel

Losing at love can be one of the most crushing experiences in life. If you let it, the loss can leave you scarred for longer than need be. However, there is a healthy way to deal with breakups and use them as an opportunity to grow emotionally, learn, make new friends, and come out the side a better lover.

So, through examination of countless people who have succeeded at getting over a break up, this is the best way I have learned to get past a break up. This isn’t a quick fix, but a very rewarding journey with lasting results for dealing with a love loss.

Step One

Don’t: First, let’s talk about bad advice, “Go fuck 10 other women.”  A break up is a rejection, even if you are the one doing the break up. What “10 other women”, or men, will do is provide you a short-term validation that you are desirable. Like chewing gum holding together the sole of a shoe, it’s not going to go the distance with your heart either.

If you are following the steps, this may happen on it’s own though.

Jumping into the next relationship that comes your way can also be a tempting quick fix – usually referred to as the rebound. Love starved and looking for validation, you will push things to fast and display neediness.

Don’t drink, pop, or smoke the problem away. Drinking the grief away may allow you to feel temporary relief – in a way. But, what that relief does is keep you from actually dealing with the break up. Every time you drink you are resetting the clock. Pain must unfortunately run its course.

All to often our aching hearts tell us to make it all stop and the quick answer is trying to win back what we have lost. Just let it go. Take the time to work on yourself. You never know, in the end, you may end up back together. However, on the other side you may find someone that fits you better.

Step Two

Acknowledge The Process: All grief follows the same basic steps. The Kubler-Ross model of grief states people can be expected to go through the following stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Allow yourself to go through them. Emotions are like a water balloon. You can press down on it pretty far, but eventually it will rupture in unexpected ways. All you are you left with a big uncontrolled mess. Better to let the water out in constructive measured ways.

Step Three

End Communication: For every year you were together, swear off contact with your now-ex for six months – general rule. Cutting times, at least for a time, allows you to move past the relationship. A lot of people are wishy washy after ending a relationship. They think they want out, then as soon as there’s distance or a date gone awry, they panic and want to get back together again. Best to stay out of what will easily become a vicious cycle of reopening a wound.

Removing their number from your phone keeps you from making the all to infamous drunk dial/txt. The same applies to checking their Facebook and Twitter. Nothing good will come from checking in on them and you will only be practicing in masochism. If they call, only answer once to tell them that if they call or text after that, as hard as it’s going to be for you, you’re not going to respond so that you can allow yourself and them to move on. Remember that every time you communicate with an ex in the throes of a breakup, it resets the clock on their (and often your) recovery time. [NOTE FROM NEIL: Hey, that’s what I said in my post!]

Step Four

Explore the Pain:Certain breakups may hurt. Instead of letting it crush you, explore it and learn something about yourself. As Neil puts it, “Become a scientist of your own lows.” Take advantage of this moment for self-examination, for reading self-improvement literature, or even for a few sessions of therapy. Find out what you can learn from this experience to make your relationship choices, skills, or behavior better in the future.

Step Five

Start New Social Circles: Often we use mutual social circles to check up on ex’s or create the opportunity for a chance encounter. It’s all too easy to use our friends as a way of staying close to broken relationships. Both pursuits keep the other person fresh in mind and reset the recovery clock. Plus, few things are worse than being repeatedly asked how you’re doing.

This is a great opportunity for networking that can further your career or making new friends to share good times with.

Step Six

Take Care of Your Body: Taking care of your body both through what you eat and the exercise will make you feel better. Not over night, but in a short amount of time. Physical activity not only helps you look better, which does help heal that bruised ego, but also has a tremendous effect on your emotional well-being. Try starting a workout routine before or after work three days a week. Mixing in a walk or run a couple evenings a week helps too.

Eighty to ninety percent of your physical state is dictated by the food you put in it. You wouldn’t put the cheapest gas at a gas station in an expensive sports car would you? Take steps towards eating better. Just as with physical exercise, ease your way into it. Most diet changes and workout plans die a quick death because people try to do too much to fast.

Step Seven

Get Out: Get out of the house and start doing something constructive. Make a list of all the things in your life you have always wanted to do or learn how to do. Then make a plan for doing them and actually go do them. Every new activity has a learning curve that will occupy your mind and free time.

Most hobbies have interest groups. Joining one, or a few, that will get you out of the house. It’s also a great way to meet new interesting people that share in your interests for the new social circles you are going to build that do not include your now-ex. This is a great time to join that running group you have always talked about. Plus, if you are going to go fishing, doing so in a pond of fit fish doesn’t hurt.

Step Eight

Move On: Not everyone wants to or is capable of being friends with their ex’s. Some relationships just carry to much baggage and need to be left in the past. You may find that you see the person in a whole new light you don’t like. But, if making contact gain is desired, the best time is when you stop thinking about them, need nothing from them, or expect anything of them. At that point, a real friendship can begin.

183 Comments on “8 Steps To Survive A Break Up”

  1. Guys,

    To be honest, this is the part of the relationship that always scares me. I meet a girl, she’s interesting, things follow, but even though I know that I really like for her the time, I also know that one day I’m going to break up with her too.

    I’m torn between these two. Having a girlfriend every now and then is nice because it’s fun and it kills loneliness, but my conscience is also bothered because somehow, I know I’m not going to marry her.

    What do you guys think?

    1. I’ve just had this issue. I met this girl, for the site we’ll call her ‘girl’ too, and I really liked her. Eventually we got together at the beginning of the year. Though I knew full well that she was going to uni, I thought it would be nice (and it was) to spend the summer with her, doing lots of things.

      We went camping several times, visited a lot of places, watched probably too many tv series and films. But the main thing was that we were very happy together.

      Uni came along at we agreed to take separate ways, though when she actually went, we agreed we could try and make it work. She was 250 miles away, in England that’s half the country. £90 round trip for petrol! Hehe.

      So I visited her a couple of times, and things were going really well. One week she turned around and said that she’s “coming down to see me at the weekend – we need to talk”

      The story follows and things don’t work out. What have I learnt? Always expect the rejection, and don’t try to hold on to things that aren’t even there.

      I loved her, and I think a small part of me always will. Love exists. But the main part doesnt last forever.

      After picking up a copy of The Game, I have been enlightened to know that there is so much more to life than settling down with the one you want forever. I’m still young, and there’s still a load of things I still want to do.

      For me I’m at the moving on stage now. I’m ready to play The Game. But most importantly, I’m ready to discover who I really am. Sometimes it’s important to acknowledge the fact you have to do things for yourself from time to time.

      What do you want?

      – FantaBanta

    2. Set, I would not move in with anyone…I know someone who has an apparently very well working long term relationship and even though they are in thier 50’s they do not live together, they both keep their apartments etc separate. Kind of keeps the relationship fresh, by keeping a certain distance.
      And the other thing, Set, why are you not more selective and go only for those women that you really, really love and would love to keep?
      Too scary? Unachievable? Enroll in Stylelife Academy, take boot camps, study “The Rules of the Game” by Neill, and learn how to get the women you truly want to keep….Saves you the breaking up….wouldn’t that be nice?

    3. The German, I got your point, I took the 30-day challenged and finished it.

      My point is that I really like them but I know that the one who’s going to break up with them is me. See my point?

      1. Set, I see your point. That is the other side of seducation / attraction success. You may leave behind a lot of hurting hearts. Thta’s why it is important to be careful whom you seduce and that is why it is important to set your aims high, so that you are not that likely to break up. But, you cannot assume that the first attractive woman you conquer will be THE ONE. You have to gain experience and you have to date a few women before you know what you want…Don’t be hard on yourself.

  2. Sometimes the other person cannot just accept the fact of cutting contact.

    The dumper will break up with the dumpee, then the dumpee tries to sever all contact with the dumper because of all the hurt. The dumper then freaks out with a vengeance, passive aggressively attacking the other one because “how dare they not want to be friends!”. Dumpee tries to logically explain with no luck.

    Does this sound odd at all to you? Is it wrong to want to cut all contact?

    1. This happened to me. Doesn’t sound odd at all. I told her if we broke up we couldn’t talk. Going from best friends to cutting all contact is hard. Thankfully she understood me but didn’t want to cut contact!

      – FantaBanta

      1. I had an experience where the girl just didnt want to break contact. I wanted to move on, she did too, but without the emotions involved in our past. Its just complicated to keep emotions out the mind when cases like this are presented to you.
        I did break contact. I do ignore her facebook messages and when she calls I dont need to answer.(as I’ve changed my cell number :P)

        Cheers
        Pery

    2. I think that it differs from person to person. We can’t generalize this thing too much because every person is unique. We have to look at each break-up as a unique case.

  3. In a way it also has to do with our egoes; we are not willing to accept that another relationship had failed. I believe it’s also important to put our egoes on hold during this process. Use NLP, self-talk, or simply appreciate the things you have that you take for granted. There are so many. Recognize that there are people in other parts of the world going through worse things than you; some facing death or extreme pain or poverty, even all of these combined. And there you are complaining. Just try to reframe things so you don’t focus too much on her(him) and cut contact.
    Thanks Neil for sharing these two posts, and thank you for sharing so much with us. I personally appreciate it and believe we all do.
    Happy Thanksgiving Neil! we are alive and healthy and that’s enough to makes us smile warmly at our reflection in the mirror 🙂
    Respect
    Sergio

    1. Sergio, the higher your self esteem is, the better. Try the book by Nathaniel Branden that Neil recommends: “The Six Pillars of Self Esteem”

        1. Also, another book I recommend seriouosly is “The Happiness Trap” from Russ Harris that works very well for elimination of nagging, disturbing thoughts and emotions. Easy read, very effective, very smart….

  4. This article … like I was reading about myself;)
    “Removing their number from your phone keeps you from making the all to infamous drunk dial/txt”,yep I know something about that 😉
    I’m looking for advice. Its about birthday gifts for girls. something interesting, from the heart. suggestions please 😉

    1. Maybe a short break somewhere? Doesn’t have to be too expensive. Just stay in a little b&b somewhere. And take a camera. Get photo’s of the trip printed. Something memorable.

      – FantaBanta

    2. Well if its from the heart it isn’t going to be the same if its from OUR hearts, kind of defeats the purpose, right? That in mind, just pay attention and open YOUR heart. Does that compute? “From the heart” alludes to a particular sincerity & connection that only you will have with them.

    3. Offer yourself! LOL.
      Just kidding. I mean, if you’re here, it probably means you’re a great guy too. Just give something little but valuable not because of itself but because of what it could mean for her, like a quite expensive fountain pen or something.

  5. There is a Taoist story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. “Such bad luck,” they said sympathetically. “May be,” the farmer replied. The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. “How wonderful,” the neighbors exclaimed. “May be,” replied the old man. The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune. “May be,” answered the farmer. The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son’s leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out. “May be,” said the farmer.

      1. Neil,

        This is all great information.

        But what about if you throw a baby into the mix?

        How is one supposed to create distance without contact to heal the wound whilst still being a good father?

        Also what measures is one supposed to take when the mother has found someone else? How is one supposed to react to this new guy?

  6. I think it’s important not to hold on to the “we could get back together in the future thoughts”

    I did it for a long time, cut contact,made myself a better person, but always said that one day we will probably bump into each other by chance and hit it off again….

    Very well may be the case, but it doesnt help. Cut all your expectations. Act as though you know you’re never going to see then again.

    Thats a lesson I leart the long way around!

  7. What if you work with the said girl in an enviroment of mainly men who show an intrest in her(she is a 8)which you have to see everyday.

    1. Dude this sucks. Interested to see the responses here!
      Good luck otherwise, I feel for you man.

      – FantaBanta

    2. First, take ARCHAICFROST’s advice, live well. Then take it from The 48 Laws: Disdain the things you cannot have, ignoring them is the best revenge. While this may seem like you are just being bitter or sour-graping, it is actually the strategy of the powerful.

    3. What is the question?

      BREAK UP WITH HER, AND MOVE ON.

      If you were going to have a nervous break-down about this, then you should have pushed away when she tried to blow you the first time.

  8. This is exactly what I have done after I was crushed so badly. Though, not in the same order but it helped me alot. 🙂

  9. Hey Aaron, Great tips… Would like to see the same thing for someone who ends up having a kid with their girlfriend…. because the main point I got from article this is cutting all communications off with your ex..

    Something like that is literally impossible when you have to still co-parent you kid together.

    Trace Loft

    1. Traceloft, in that case (coparenting a child) I would recommend not breaking off communications completely, but keeping communications to the absolute minimum required to care well for your child.

      1. The German said it best. The only thing I would add is that I have often – if not almost always – seen the child end up as an emotional pawn used by either side. Be mindful of this and avoid at all costs. Because mommy and daddy didn’t work doesn’t mean the kid’s life should be made any harder than it already has been made.

    1. It’s okay: When the emotional storm dies down, and when you both have no expectations of each other. It is fucked up when you want sex, and she still has hopes that a relationship and intimacy can rekindle, and it ends up hurting her and not allowing her to move on–or vice verse.

  10. Aaron,

    When dating multiple women, breakups are going to happen. There is NOTHING Earth-Shattering about moving on to greener pussy.

    If you are feeling HURT, because she broke up with you, then she was either a CUNT, or you just need to sharpen up your GAME. It’s about being a MAN.

    My advice is to be honest, provide an entertaining experience, and if you want to get married to her, then be ready to sweep her off her feet. Just know what is going on, know what stage you are at, know where you want to be going with it, and then conform reality to your will like Shawn White at the 2010 Winter Olympics.

    GUILT about breaking up with a grown woman is nothing more than ADVANCED FAGGOTRY. Trust me when I tell you that she’ll get over it just as soon as she finds another PORNO-DICK to plow her till next July.

    If you think there is only one girl in the Whole Wide World for you, and she just broke up with you, then you are a particularly NOVICE-GROMMET. The thrill that you got with her, you will get it with other women lest you strip Human-Sexuality of its sanctity like Neil has. The Big Picture Inner-Game lesson here is that you are BUILDING yourself into a MAN with universal appeal who can lead ANY human FEMALE to a life of HAPPINESS. If you want to end up with ONE, then it will be a function of circumstances and factors beyond your control.

    Guilt is the sort of thing a MAN should feel after he’s just smashed some worthless chode’s face into a car windshield for giving him LIP. Fucking him up real good, when a simple public humiliation would have been more than enough to set him straight.

    At the end of every day, this wishy-washy relationship chitter-chatter is for women to KILL their time with and for men to dismiss as counter-productive.

    Losers spend their whole lives trying to DISCOVER who they are and what they want.

    Champions KNOW what they want and then live a disciplined life in order to BUILD themselves into the kind of MAN that will achieve his deepest desires as an unavoidable SIDE-EFFECT.

    Neil Strauss is still trying to DISCOVER who he is unless he is supposed to be a Self-Help Marketing Profit-Generating Automaton.

    For fuck sake, write a book about becoming a REAL MAN. That is a book I would pay for.

    All the very best,

    JohnPaul Adamovsky

    PS – Most of the posters on this site should take some risks in what they write about. Many of you either have nothing to say, or you are just too timid to write about it. I guess it should be expected from a group of blind Neil Strauss followers.

    PPS – Give me some material with SUBSTANCE to work with here. I can only go so far with all this lite-weight touchy-feely bullshit.

      1. CraigOM,

        I am HAPPY, and I need you for NOTHING. If you enlighten us with some material of substance that you have produced, I will scrutinize it with my Nobel Laureate Intellect and HUMILIATE you with it. And to level the playing field, I will forward you my arcane academic work for you to read. I will always give you a chance to climb out of your ditch of IGNORANCE.

        your one line comment is a lot like how you Jack-Off and cream on your own face.

        Who are you? Where are you from? What do you do? What do you believe in? How do you form your opinions? You can start with your full name, so I can conduct a thorough investigation of my own.

        You will crumble and FOLD as I lean onto you with the FULL weight of Human Potential.

        Let this be a lesson to you: Fucking with me is probably the WORST idea you’ve ever had. You have the mind of a SIMPLETON. This is not a forum for weak-minded losers, who get offended by their own INFERIORITY.

        Identify yourself, or disappear.

        All the very best,

        JohnPaul Adamovsky

        1. I’ve learnt no lesson from you. Simply people sharing their experiences to have you try and belittle them un-cooperative.

          You don’t need my approval, but feel the need to attack my character whilst also saying you know nothing about me…

          I’m merely voicing my opinion, as you have done so fearlessly.

          My name is Craig Philip O’Malley… Investigate away.

          All the very best to you too.

        2. styleofman, why do you continue to attempt to humiliate other readers of this blog? If you want to say something, say it, and otherwise skip the posturing and insulting.

  11. Great post. I just got out of a 2 and a half year off and on relationship. The girl was the most stunning I had ever had – a former model. She wanted to settle down I didnt. Wed break up over it because I would not shift (id spend 4 nights a week with her, but no more).

    Then wed get back together. Neither can keep away. But after the last break up (in june) we got back together and she was different this time – she turned into a real evil girl. In response to me only willing to spend 4 nights with her she began emasculating me, calling me a wussy, gay and not a real man…….

    So I kicked her to the curb. I understand it was largely her neediness and insecurity that caused these insults, but the scars remain and Im a little haunted by the experience. She continued to not understand when I broke up with her, and protested and insulted me…..which confuses me because it was her unhappiness and stooping to insults that made me end it.

    So how can I not let this bother me? I wont lie the insults hurt a lot.

    1. Thanks Set – I guess your right, sucks knowing a girl i saw for three years thought that about me, and when i broke it off still seemed to want me and not want to break up – if she had told me that earlier I would have stayed, but she spent 4 months giving me crap, and i couldnt take it anymore.

      What do you think about ending on good terms? I went out of my way to be there for her in the week following even though she continued to throw abuse my way. I might be an idiot for that, but for me I feel better I rose above it and acted with dignity, and walked away with my head held proud. Is there a thing as karma? I feel being an ass in a break-up is unecessary, I want girls I dated to remember me well no matter how shit it ended up being.

      1. steps six and seven are very very important. Cannot overemphasize the importance of activity towards your own goals, based on your own plans, thinking about the future instead of looking backwards at the loss or break up. Move on!

    2. I clearly see your point now. The first thing I’d like to comment on is when you mentioned karma. Paulo Coelho, on his book Aleph, said that karma isn’t really that thing where what happened in the past would affect the present or future, rather karma should be perceived in a way where the present would affect the future. So that’s the first thing: focus on the present.

      As for the situation where you said that you want to separate on good terms, this is what I could say:

      I think this girl still likes you. Think of how we occasionally use disqualifiers — she’s using it on you. By talking shit on you, she’s just trying to make you want to prove yourself to her, thereby getting you for herself. Else, why would she not want to break up? Remember hate isn’t the opposite of love, it’s indifference. But don’t buy it, it’s not gonna work — think of it like a shit test taken up a notch.

      You said that you want the girls you dated to remember you well no matter how shit it ended up being, so I think your problem isn’t really your relationship to the girl, rather, it’s your relationship to the situation. Just let it go man, I used to have a girlfriend who, as far as I could remember, used to hate me to death but I didn’t care — just because. But then again, think for yourself: Why would you want to end up on good terms with her? Do you really need to be friends with her? If you simply wanted to make things nice for both you and her, I understand that, but are you willing to pay the price for it? As painful as it might seem, life will still go on no matter what, so try to muster up the courage you need to keep up with it.

      Damn, that was a long one.

      1. Thanks for your advice it means a lot and makes a lot of sense.

        I guess I wanted to leave on good terms for myself more than her – wanted to feel that I had done my best, and even among abuse etc just walked away with a smile on my face.

        Yes of course she still liked me – she wanted to be a bigger part of my life, and wanted to settle down with me. But, she got too comfortable, and thought I would always be there – if i went to the gym and hadnt told her, id have her screaming at me..

        She pushed and pushed to see how much she could get away with – ultimatums, lies etc. And finally I snapped.

        It was my fault in a way, I wasnt firm enough with her to start with, and she lost respect for me. Its been a month of NC since I ended things properly, and I dont plan on contacting her for a long long time. For me Ive joined the gym, have changed jobs, moved house, and am reading a lot of self help – especially the pillars of self esteem book. Hopefully I can start building my confidence again, as it feels a little shot, even though I was the one who broke up.

        Thanks again for your advice!

  12. Neil,

    “Your comment is awaiting moderation.”

    Are you really going to delete my posts again?

    Censorship on the internet is INCREDIBLY LAME.

    At least I can save them now and post them again.

    Thanks for the heads up,

    JohnPaul Adamovsky

    PS – I recommend that you DON’T delete any of the comments on your web-site, but you are welcome to try and see what I write in response: You will NOT like it.

      1. FantaBanta,

        I doubt that you have even read my posts. You literally know NOTHING about me. Keep your IDLE-SPECULATIONS to yourself from now on.

        All the very best,

        JohnPaul Adamovsky

        PS – I don’t want to have any association with you.

  13. Neil,

    After alla this, and I’m still just an anonymous soldier… In a war… That I started.

    All the very best,

    JohnPaul Adamovsky

    1. No your a dickhead on a website that has ONE moderator. If this is how you need to pump up your ego bigger than your roided out chest then you are a sad shell of a human being.

      1. Coward,

        Identify yourself. Ask and you shall receive, Seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened to you.

        What do you want? What are you looking for? And where do you want to go?

        All the very best,

        JohnPaul Adamovsky

        PS – I want you to read my posts. I am looking for a worthy adversary, and I am on my way to the TOP.

        1. I’ve Put up with trolls before, now is no different. arguing on the internet is like running in the special Olympics, even if you win your still retarded.

          As far as identity goes the first parts of seduction includes creating a whole new person(a), mainly so you can shed your old skin of your former self and progress. So congrats you failed lesson No.1 Remember: we would not use fictitious names if it served no purpose.

          As far as reading your posts, I have. From what I’ve read your just like a child lashing out for attention. Most of your posts are directed at Niel, who is far too busy to put up with stupid shit. You are stupid shit he has no time for you. (see what i did there? simple logic)

          Where I am going with my life is none of your damn business. And if you really want to trek your happy ass down from Toronto that you are in fact just as stupid as you sound.

          And even if you do succeed in your “war on Niel” Just remember that it is impossible to sit on a thrown of bayonets.

  14. ACE,

    I am delighted that you invested enough time to completely MISUNDERSTAND my writing.

    The War I have waged is not on Neil, I actually liked reading “The Game”, and I enjoy preaching to his small private audience. Thank you Neil.

    If you have read enough of my posts, you should know that I have started a WAR with GRAVITY, and I am winning battle, after battle, after battle, building paradise with my bare hands. I can send you some photographic evidence if you like to look at pictures.

    Some people need to wear top-hats and platform shoes and paint their nails to get laid, and other people just look GOOD, make friends, and train with the intensity of a pro-athlete, while the whole time using their REAL names.

    Your investigation is riddled with simpleton anecdotes. If you want to invest some time to figure out the TRUTH about my intelligence, than I suggest that you read my documentation for CWG – Caroline Word Graph – The World’s Most Advanced Lexicon Data Structure:

    CWG

    Challenge me, and I will blow your mind. Dismiss me as your subordinate, and in 500 words, I will crush your spirit in public humiliation with my intellect. That’s what I do on the internet, and in REAL LIFE, people don’t give me no LIP, because I weigh 237.4 Lbs and I train 6 day a week for 2.5-3.0 hours per day like clockwork. If you think that is Bullshit, then look into it until you are proven WRONG.

    I have gotten good enough at picking up women that I discovered, something like Neil, that it doesn’t make me HAPPY and it is NOT the End-Game that the finely tuned human machine was DESIGNED for. May we all reach that conclusion, in that we get good enough at picking up women to treat the subject with accurate reckoning.

    ACE, you have NEVER met anybody even remotely “LIKE” me. And I am not going to judge you until I conduct a thorough and conscientious investigation of you, which is to say that I will give you a fair shake, and a shot at impressing me. So far, your writing is uninspired, reactionary, and lacks the organized due process of a champion.

    In conclusion, introduce yourself, state your intent, and I will proceed from there to form an accurate opinion on who you are.

    Neil is a confirmed HYPOCRITE, and I still want him to inspire me in a future project of his. Perhaps, with his resources, he can embark on an Endless Summer and figure out what’s going on in the Surfing sub-culture. I would buy that book.

    All the very best,

    JohnPaul Adamovsky

    PS – Keep it REAL.

    1. What gives you the right to pass such harsh judgement on so many people? I fail to comprehend your belittling of this websites peaceful goers as anything constructive. Yes you are hard at work writing a new comprehensive program. Some type of non gui program writer of new heights (so much as i can infer from browsing over the link you posted, its late and I’m going on 36 hours without rest) I do fail to see any good coming out of what you have said to anyone on this website. Trust me I have been looking at your posts quite a bit.

      You talk a big game about being the best and training like a champion. However, even you must realize that at some point you were not the best. At some point in your past you were NOT a champion. Yes it does take effort and everything you’ve got in order to get where you want to be however it just does not happen over night. A lot of people use this site as a jump to start to get better with women, self mastery, etc… They cant get better if you shoot them while they are still in the nest.

      Furthermore, what works for you does not necessarily work for everyone. That to me was what the gravy of reading “The Game”. A “rag to riches” type of tale of an average joe(afc) who becomes what most every man wants to be: Pick up artist. Cliche ending? yep. And who cares if shit didn’t work out for Niel, that is his business and his alone. Just because he was nice enough to tell us a great deal about his personal endeavors on his rise to the top of his game, does not mean he is always going to be an open book for everyone to ridicule and judge as they see fit.

      I came to this site because I like Niel as an author. I have little interest in women, not because I’m gay I just know fruitless endeavors when I see them. Time and time again, posted by countless men who all say the same thing,”no matter how good your game is there is still a void”. I say fuck that I’ll chase my career goals instead.

      My question to you is: Does it matter how a person conducts themselves so long as they are happy? Some people are born to lead. Some are born to follow. Some are fine with mediocrity. So long as the individual is happy does it make a damn bit of difference?

      Should I meet your “standards” what then? You stop being a jerk to me? What happens to the other people of this website? Lets say for simply the sake of argument that I do in fact meet your standards. We suddenly become bud’s? Or do you see me as a threat and all threats must be eliminated to reach the top?

      As far as physical standards are concerned, I really could care less if you were a couch potato. Being physically fit is great and all but it’s not everything. I learned that myself.

      My biggest problem with talking to you is that in order to be put on par with you is that I have to surrender self power to be judged. In relinquishing power to give you the ability to judge me I have already lost. I refuse to bow to something that I’ve never seen. I can’t believe in something that doesn’t believe in me. (yes taken from Five Finger Deathpunch but true none the less) I honestly do not care what other people think of me. I walk roads during midnight hours in blistering cold temperatures because I want to. Do I get judged by people for it? Without a shadow of a doubt, I know I do. I don’t care.

      As far as I can tell you have achieved quite a bit. Good for you, but damn man, you don’t lean into people. You rip their ego in half and go crazy. Which to me screams troll. Good for you and all your aspirations, just leave everyone alone. Is that really so much to ask?

  15. ACE,

    This is what I am talking about, now you are sitting down and thinking things through, and setting aside your collection of anecdotes to have a legitimate discussion about what’s what. Mission Accomplished.

    You don’t like me? You do NOT know me.

    I thought that this web-site was about developing an expertise in the field of tagging pussy, but you claimed to have an expertise in dealing with “Internet Trolls”.

    You go out and get laid, then you post about getting laid. That’s what it used to be like. It is not like that in HERE.

    There is a theme in your social-philosophy that I need to explore, because it is widespread: EVERYBODY HAS AN EQUAL AND VALID EXISTENCE, to the tune of “JUST BE YOURSELF”. You might be a leader, a follower, or a mediocre AVERAGE everyman. HAPPINESS is the summum bonum in a world where anything can make you HAPPY.

    Let me make this clear: Your philosophy is what I have come to know as DEPRAVED INDIFFERENCE. It requires NOTHING of anybody, and is a recipe for outrageous injustice. It comes hand in hand with the absurd DEVALUATION of genuine accomplishment and touts “POLITENESS” as trumping “TRUTH”.

    IT MOST CERTAINLY MATTERS HOW ONE CONDUCTS THEMSELVES!

    My assertion is this: You CANNOT be HAPPY unless you are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing. It is not so much the actual measurable actions, but the PROCESS. A philosophy of HAPPINESS where the destination is the PROCESS itself, and when I see people ignoring my findings on this topic, I raise my voice in objection, “READ”.

    Every person is DIFFERENT, and they do different things to achieve HAPPINESS: TRUE.

    In the very same breath, people are like WOMEN, they are all different, but there are striking SIMILARITIES which make it possible for iconic figures like James Bond and Patrick Swayze to have universal appeal with women, because they can deliver HAPPINESS to ALL of them.

    I am then concluding that in the pursuit of HAPPINESS there are people who attack the misery of default human behavior the RIGHT way, the way that Swayze and Bond provide an experience for women. On the dark side, there are MANY, MANY, people who believe that Bond is just “Being Himself”.

    Just being YOURSELF is the sort of thing that requires ZERO effort, it’s easy, it provides immediate gratification, and often involves the chemical addictions we observe in chain-smokers.

    Bond and Swayze are NOT just being themselves, they are involved in a full-on strike against BEING themselves because they want to deliver the prototypical MAN experience to EVERY woman they meet. It requires absolute FOCUS, Herculean EFFORT, and the numerous SACRIFICES needed to avoid the chemical addiction appeal of “default” humanity. Default humanity has fallen from GRACE, and is poisoned by an evil which integrates the scarred history of our ancestry in every new human being; we are not “BLANK SLATES”.

    Be a LEADER – YES
    Be a FOLLOWER – YES
    Be INDIFFERENT – NO

    The leader-follower paradigm is a winning formula.

    “We’re all equal, and everything is an open discussion where all opinions are valid.” This is not a general democratic election, it is a PROVEN formula for CATASTROPHIC failure. Every difference of opinion results in a bitter argument and IN-FIGHTING.

    I want to LEAD, in which case FOLLOW me.

    I want to FOLLOW, in which case LEAD me.

    If you won’t let me do either: GO FUCK YOURSELF.

    Let me tell you a troubling story: If I believed in your philosophy, I would sit around all day doing nothing more than playing video-games between Jack-Off sessions. That is NOT what ANYBODY is SUPPOSED to be doing. The human machine was NOT designed that way.

    Please, none of you around here produce any arguments against the existence of GOD strong enough for me to abandon me beliefs:

    Without the influence of Organized Religion and a deep faith in God, I am Keyser Soze. The kind of person who would slaughter his own family in front of you to prove his commitment to the destruction of EVERYTHING. All of this stemming simply from a recognition of a MIND trapped in a materialistic world where there is NO deeper MEANING. DESTROY it ALL.

    My demand is SIMPLE, but not EASY: Either LEAD, or FOLLOW, and leave your MEDIOCRITY in the PAST.

    I have the earning potential of Paul Allen, co-founder Microsoft, and I am a cool guy, so invest early, or regret not be a BILLIONAIRE in 20 years. That is the mindset which I use to attack reality. Every day is the BEST day of my life, and what I am doing right now is something I am 100% FOCUSED on.

    I have explored many processes, and this one is BY-FAR superior to ALL of THEM. My claims are NOT just mere assertions.

    The music-dweeb Neil Strauss did not get laid by “Being Himself”, he busted his ass in a focused effort that took him outside of his comfort zone, and developed enough skill to kill the sanctity of human sexuality.

    Now he has been convinced that he can perpetuate an income from his destruction of an online community of women enthusiasts. There is NO leadership in that scheme.

    I am an extremely talented Aerospace-Science Engineer, but I won’t suck dick to kick-start my career, so help me set up interviews at NASA, or invest early in the projects that I am working on in the 2 palaces where I currently live.

    I don’t ridicule or judge anybody. I simply tell you the TRUTH in an attempt to shake things up enough to inspire CHANGE.

    All the very best,

    JohnPaul Adamovsky

    PS – Mediocre happiness goes hand-in-hand with determinism, a concept that Heisenberg put to rest in the 20th century.

    1. “I thought that this web-site was about developing an expertise in the field of tagging pussy, but you claimed to have an expertise in dealing with “Internet Trolls”.”
      Not on this site but on others. On the website that has a forum for one of my hobbies I have had to deal with trolls. I also see your point of no one bragging about who they’ve bagged. As I stated before, I know fruitless endeavors when I see them. I have better things to spend my time doing.

      Depraved Indifference? Thus I lack moral sense of concern?

      I’m sorry I just do not see the world as black and white Winner Loser society. There are grey areas. There has to be, otherwise you may not see the value in others and thus become a heartless prick. I do at my core believe that there is in fact value to human life. I do not so easily condemn others. That is not to say that I am against condemning either. Determinisim is the word for this as i have come to find out. (yep engaging conversation. I now have another wrinkle in my brain)

      “It comes hand in hand with the absurd DEVALUATION of genuine accomplishment and touts “POLITENESS” as trumping “TRUTH”” I have never EVER belittled someone’s accomplishments. I am, however, against the trophy generation. It does in fact devalue true accomplishment and there we see eye to eye.

      “A philosophy of HAPPINESS where the destination is the PROCESS itself…” SO what happens when the process comes to a close? What then?

      “The leader-follower paradigm is a winning formula.” It also put the Jews into slavery in Egypt. (not an anecdote but a true fact)

      ““We’re all equal, and everything is an open discussion where all opinions are valid.” This is not a general democratic election, it is a PROVEN formula for CATASTROPHIC failure. Every difference of opinion results in a bitter argument and IN-FIGHTING.” It worked in our society and many others for 200 years, sadly the clock is ticking and things are falling apart. However, history the ever reaping record that it is, has shone that even the best structured civilizations only run for a max period of 200years before they fall apart.

      “Please, none of you around here produce any arguments against the existence of GOD strong enough for me to abandon me beliefs:” What you believe in is not what I believe in. Religion is like a penis its fine to have one, its fine to be proud of it. Just don’t go shoving it down people’s throats. Any discussion that I have ever had with any person who followed any dogma generally falls into one of several categories. One: you must believe what I believe or you are wrong (end of discussion) Two: I have all the answers to everything because of my dogma. Three: My religion is the best religion because of my dogma. Four: never mind the superstitions/lore/magic and the simple logic that makes my religion look like a pack of lies created by man, I assure you it’s the truth. With that being said I will come back to, I know a fruitless endeavor when I see one.

      By reading what you’ve posted you are here with a business pitch i presume?

      You’ve made a demand and I chose to follow. Now what.

      If you really want to pass a grade. Here.
      William Tyler McCutcheon

      This is the most engaging conversation I’ve had in a long ass time.

      1. ACE,

        So you’re either a 68 year old Urologist or a kid in his early 20’s just out of a tough breakup, or you have no internet presence to speak of.

        Send me an email, introduce yourself, and I will decide if I should include you in the various projects I am working on right now.

        [email protected]

        One addition to your ideas about how extreme physical training, and chasing skirt are fruitless endeavors… You are WRONG. You are trying to go from point A to point E, while skipping points B, C, and D. Intimate contact with women is AWESOME and so is benching 290 Lbs. On Monday I did 3 sets of push-ups, 70, followed by 50, followed by 50. It made me smile, I am JohnPaul Adamovsky… MAN.

        Also, you speak of what happens when the PROCESS is over… When the PROCESS of living is OVER, you are dead, and NOBODY really knows what happens. Christians believe that we meet our maker, we approach the Pearly Gates, and somewhere in between there is a Final Judgement carried out by a merciful God.

        If you are talking about retirement, there are many unavoidable side-effects that come with living by the DUE-PROCESS, and they will fill the rest of your days with joyful experiences if you can afford to step down from your career. If not, then you will die a working-man.

        Your assessment of “Religious People” is spot-on, they are REGULAR people, and in many ways just as hypocritical as a guy like Neil. You don’t sit in on a Community-College lecture about intro-to-Java if you want a clear understanding of how the metal-oxide-semi-conductor-field-effect-transistor turned Computer Science from a theoretical discipline into one of the salient features in Modern Western Society.

        And then there are the SAINTS. There are the Doctors of the church. If you want to get your mind blown away by the writings of a living theological giant with unique intellectual brilliance, then start by reading “Introduction to Christianity”, By Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger. If you think that you are “SMART” it will be a humbling experience like it was for me. I never write PERFECT 97 word sentences, and he does. Currently Pope Benedict XVI.

        Looking forward to your introduction.

        All the very best,

        JohnPaul Adamovsky

        PS – Drowning yourself in career building is NOT the answer. Everything we do here, everything we build (faciendum) will turn to dust; it is still indispensable, but it fails the test for Summum Bonum status. I hope that isn’t what you think I am advocating.

        PPS – Now the ball is in your court, so take some initiative.

        PPPS – Neil Strauss has NO time to read the posts that people write on his “INNER-CIRCLE” web-site. Okay, that makes sense, so does the theory that his “Society” is like 10 doods who he already knew. The guy hangs out with “MARKETING” gurus. When you pass everything coming out of him through that filter, you are left with very little indeed, a hollow shell. A guy who wants people to talk about their DIRT, but tucks and runs when it’s his time to share.

  16. Styleofman
    considering your last name, most likely you are from a family from Eastern Europe,
    possibly with strong religious leanings (first name after pope John Paul II), definitely under the influence of Russia, considering your liking for bodybuilding, mathematics and the military. Your father might have been military and most likely did not go easy on you if he perceived that you failed at anything or if he preceived that you might be weak. Most likely you did not grow up in the US, but moved here later in your teens.
    Correct?

    1. The German,

      Thanks for trying to figure out who I am, and where I came from. Now I’ll fill in the gaps for you.

      Don’t be quick to dismiss extreme physical training. Everybody knows that the greatest feeling you can get in the gym is called “THE PUMP”. Let’s say you’re training your biceps, and so blood rushes into your muscles. It’s fantastic, you get a tight feeling, like somebody’s blowing air into it, like it’s going to explode. It’s the same feeling for me as having sex with a woman and cumming. So I’m cumming at the gym, I’m cumming at home, I’m cumming backstage, and out in front of 5000 people, I’m cumming. Can you believe how much I am in heaven? I’m cumming Day and Night.

      My father is from Slovakia, the land of Marian Hossa and Zdeno Chara. He did mandatory military training to become an officer while he was at university getting his degree in Mechanical Engineering. He came to Canada at age 30, learned English, became an authority in the field of industrial refrigeration, pressure vessels, and heat exchangers. He married my 31 year old Italian mother when he was age 40, and incorporated his own consulting practice where he works alone and generates enough income to make him a very wealthy man, and a minor celebrity in his home town where he grew up on a farm. He is a hardened gentleman, who lost his own father to TB when he was only 16, and he doesn’t tolerate any BULLSHIT from anybody. He calls it like it is, and he needs you for NOTHING. He takes his responsibilities very seriously, and though his harsh dictator style scares away weaklings, he was always there for my three brothers and I. He is tough, but he was never an absentee father. I love my father, and he has always been a strong male influence and filled the heroic fatherly figure in my family life. In a single phrase, “Victor (The Victator)Adamovsky is a self-made MAN of the First-Order.” Don’t EVER try to fuck with him.

      My mother is Italian, and so I was raised Roman Catholic. JohnPaul is what people call out when they need to SUMMON me. And after I produced the first piece, now everybody wants a piece. Send a stool-sample to the lab, and confirm that I literally SHIT excellence. People frequently summon me, and when I say I am going to do something, then I go out and do just exactly that.

      My English skills are both native and primary, as I am the result of a privileged birth. Born in Toronto Canada, and I have never changed my primary address from the palace in Toronto that I was born into.

      I do NOT allow for FAILURE. I simply attack reality with full-force, and learn from what doesn’t work until I am standing in front of a fucking masterpiece. Intermediate failures often contribute to a final product that is mind-blowing superior to what you started out building in the first place. I build a lot, and I thank God for these kinds of FAILURES.

      People have many strong influences in their lives, but these factors are neither necessary nor sufficient to make a man into what he IS, when you take into consideration the doctrine of FREE-WILL.

      Nobody is simply the PRODUCT of their environment or family upbringing. That kind of thinking leads to anecdotes replacing thorough investigation, which is an OUTRAGEOUS INJUSTICE, provoking justified anger in the righteous man.

      I have many elite-level skills in this life, and one of them is in writing English prose. I do not have a JOB, and I don’t need one, for fuck sake, I don’t have to work a day in my life. And for that reason, and that reason alone, Neil Strauss doesn’t bother to take me seriously. Good thing that I need him for NOTHING.

      Let’s all face it right here: When you’re talking this kind of TALK, you’re walking on All-Fours, but you’re walking Tall, and you’re walking Proud.

      Here is a social commentary on the deliberate ignorance that has entered this web-site through some of you weaklings: “I stood up today to stare at REALITY in the face, and then I REJECTED it.”

      Here is a commentary on how most of you bottom-feeders treat Neil Strauss, the music dweeb:

      “They wanted SOMETHING for nothing, and HE gave them NOTHING for something.”

      So, The German, if you are interested enough to invest early in Microsoft, introduce yourself in an email to me, and I will tell you what you need to know: [email protected]

      ACE is still scratching his head about it. Indecision is a plague.

      All the very best,

      JohnPaul Adamovsky

      PS – Neil, I’ve written more on this web-site than you have by now, so it’s about time you come out of hiding and answer some questions.

      PS – I have a bunch of questions, and I want to have them answered IMMEDIATELY. Like, who is your Daddy, and what does he do? Seriously, I shared my story with you, and now you can return the favor.

      1. Thanks for your answer, Styleofman. I was not that far off. I still find the humility missing.
        an example of this comes from the most outstanding soldiers in the US, members of the SEAL team Six. When President Obama spoke to them afterwards and asked them “So, who of you shot Osama?” their answer was “We all did, Sir, it was all of us”
        And this comes from people that are excellent in truly all aspects, they are exceedingly smart, trained, experienced and their training alone makes them almost superhuman.
        Styleofman, take a hint from their behavior.
        And thank you again for your response

        1. The German,

          Military Special-Forces Paratroopers are recognized heroic examples of what happens when super-human talent meets extreme training and discipline. These are American heroes, that is until they come back from the war and are treated like drifters by local law enforcement troopers; then you’ve got John Rambo, First Blood.

          What you have to understand is that these exceptional specimens were NOT born that way. They started at A like the rest of us, they blasted through B, they suffered through C, they punished D with extreme prejudice to arrive at E. And at E is where NOBODY would ever fuck with them, they are PROUD of their dedication to the champion DUE-PROCESS, and they are humble servants of the people back home who are incapable of protecting themselves.

          Now you take a MAN like that and start FUCKING with him, and he will NOT hesitate to HUMBLE YOU, followed by humiliating you in public, and if that doesn’t shut you the fuck up, he will break you in half with his bare hands.

          Don’t EVER try to fuck with paratroopers.

          Around here, I am dismissed as an “Internet Troll”, so there is NO FUCKING WAY I have reached “E”, and why the fuck would I start acting like a recognized hero? I am in the PROCESS that makes me into one, and I don’t need the recognition and neither do they, but believe me when I say this; they will NOT hesitate to tell you WHAT’S WHAT, and if you are a hypocritical PUSSY, you aren’t going to like the sound of it.

          All the very best,

          JohnPaul Adaomvsky

          PS – Still waiting for your email introduction. Step up and state your case.

      2. StyleofMan, you certainly aren’t a good writer. I cringe just looking at the errors in your posts.
        And you’re way too buffed-out. Women like men who have, um, necks?

        1. vinny,

          What’s your angle? Are you a gay?

          I really don’t give a FUCK about the things that make a PUSSY like you cringe. Are you trying to tell all of us here that you are content being some kind of syntax error automaton? Because women HATE automatons, men hate automatons, people hate automatons, and even automatons hate automatons.

          You’re out of your league, and I am in fantastic shape. You wouldn’t believe how much I am in heaven, it’s like I’m cumming day and night.

          All the very best,

          JohnPaul Adamovsky

          PS – You look like a RETARD when you bring a pair of Nike’s to the THERMAL NUCLEAR ARMS RACE.

  17. styleofman, you cannnot command anybody to do anything on a website or blog. It is the same as with attraction / seduction….. you cannot insult or bully a women into liking you.
    At about 30 years of age you should realize that.
    My father has died a while ago and neither his nor my personality or history matter here. This blog is about the issue of overcoming a breakup

  18. ACE,

    No, I did not get an email from you, so send it again. Maybe it was filtered as junk, and I already emptied my junk folder.

    The German,

    My solution for getting over a breakup is this:

    BE A MAN – Treat the DISEASE, and NOT just the symptoms.

    By telling me that your family history and the character of the father figure in your life does “NOT MATTER HERE” is WRONG. It is not everything, but it is important to seek out and understand the formative influences and the context of your particular situation so you have as COMPLETE an understanding of your problems as possible. You are trying to advocate a narrow-minded pigeon-hole discussion and I am opening the scope of the correspondence to a LARGER issue where the real problem lies.

    Secondly, YOU are the one who started making conjectures about my FATHER, so now that I openly set you straight about that issue, DEAL with it.

    One pronounced problem on this web site and modern western society on a larger scale is that the young boys are being raised as “Children of Women”, and NOT “Children of Men”, as they ought to be brought up.

    BIG CORRECTION:

    I am NOT trying to “Bully people into liking me”. I literally don’t give a FUCK if you like me or NOT, and I have tried to make this clear already: I need you for NOTHING! NOTHING at all. I am simply being HONEST with you while maintaining both my personal and artistic INTEGRITY.

    If you can get past your “Hang-Ups” and have an intellectual and meaningful discussion with me, then great, I will appreciate your effort and return the favor.

    On this “Blog” and in real life, I am consistent; when you are WRONG, I will tell you that you are WRONG. Not to make you feel bad, or to grab attention, but simply to set you straight because I am one SMART motherfucker with an excess of life experience and a positive attitude which directs my creative energies.

    All the very best,

    JohnPaul Adamovsky

    PS – Find the closest paratrooper, and tell him to stop being a “Bully”, and let me know how that turns out for you.

    PPS – I’m your buddy out here, so stop treating me like you think I’m your boyfriend.

    PPPS – I am an entertainer first, and an expert second.

    1. Too much of our energy goes into upholding our own importance …If we were capable of losing some of that importance, two extraordinary things would happen to us. One, we would free our energy of trying to maintain the illusory idea of our grandeur; and two, we would provide ourselves with enough energy to … catch a glimpse of the actual grandeur of the universe. – Carlos Castañeda, The Art of Dreaming

  19. Very good article. I would say that it is important indeed to face the pain and understand it…it takes time, and certainly partying, drinking, and meeting other women, will not “help” you…Unfortunately, the vast majority of the people, are not able, or are frightened, to understand themselves… so they escape from their trauma, and keep on doing it all their life…
    Thanks to my breaks up I could have learned a lot about me, improve emotionally, spiritually and of course, getting confident with women…it is not an easy recipe, it takes time, work, introspection, but you are getting real and funny as it is, life is getting much easier than it may seem… i.

  20. Thanks for this article, I have just gone through the worst break-up of my life so far. No exaggeration. These steps are truly helpful and have done alot towards helping me finally reach acceptance… It’s sad, but i guess its just something thats bound to happen eventually. Hopefully someday I can get back in the game again 🙂

    Cheers again, great article.

    1. Munky,

      It will NEVER be convenient to put yourself out there and take risks… Just like it will NEVER be convenient to train 6 days – 18 hours per week, like clockwork, lifting heavy weights to failure. Today is the BEST day to “get back in the game”.

      Go out there, and plow through the uncomfortable phase, so you can break-up on another day.

      “Bound to happen eventually” is a statement that comes from an IGNORANT belief in DETERMINISM. Start by leaving that falsehood in the PAST.

      All the very best,

      JohnPaul Adamovsky

  21. I was in a relationship for four years with a girl and was ready to ask her to marry me. We’d been living together for about 9 months and things were going well, or so I thought. We’d had new troubles that we’d never had before. I assumed that they were just us getting used to living together.

    I went away for about a month for work. The night I came home, she was in our living room with her bags packed. That was 2 months ago and I haven’t seen her since. We only spoke by text message to organise times for her to come collect her things. No matter what I did, I felt horrible. Like I was empty inside.

    That incident is what triggered me to join this website and after reading this article, I have an entirely new perspective on her, what was us, and myself. This is the best advice I’ve received from anyone. All of my mates tell me to go out and just lay any chick who looks at me. Thanks for the useful insight!

  22. Needed to brush up on this very much necessary survival skill, moving on after a breakup. My divorce is about to be final next week, and I feel pretty good about that. On the other hand, I started a relationship back in December, and I had my hopes set on making things work. However, she saw “too many red flags” as far as my personal development, and decided to call it quits. The breakup is amicable, but the pain is all too real.

    So… I must regroup and figure out how to get my life in order, for my own peace of mind.

    And so, that’s what I’ll do.

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